Chapter 5: Five heads are better than one… unless your opponent has a sword.
“Yes! Dead trees. Always a good sign.”
“Could you POINT me in the direction of your innards, please?”
“Har har. As if you aren’t already trying that yourself.”
“Ah, even this world is upholding the fine tradition of random drops for no reason. That creaking, buckling sound you heard was probably my legs.”
“Oh, sure… YOU can go upon the clearly defined edge. I had to fall down.”
“Oh, poor baby. Want me to make you some waaaahffles?”
“Yeah, I got your waffles right here. How’s them apples?”
“How does that even begin to make any sense?”
“So, you want some too? Because there’s enough in my iron to go around.”
“Aww, look who else got herself a makeover. Redhead too. Nice!”
“Much obliged.”
“It’s a shame that you turned yellow, though.”
“Huh?! What do you mean by th-… oh, you bastard. I’ll show you yellow.”
*sigh* “Alas, it was not meant to be. Miss Yellow’s departure feels like a sting to my back. I can feel it.”
“Hah… ha ha ha. Oh… oh… ONE single fire pit, though they did at least not skimp on the fireball. Yeah, that really took some expert timing.”
“Oh no! Another singular fire pit… right before a slope that has boulders crashing into it. OK, so that’s somewhat creative.”
“Wow! OK, even better. Man, these guys are getting nasty. On another note, how dare you cover yourself up, young woman? Also, the eighties called. They want their hair back.”
“This IS the eighties.”
“No, it’s not!”
“It was when the game was released.”
“Let’s not break any walls about this. Not when knees are so much better.”
“From bobbing stones to rope? My, they ARE getting creative. I wonder if we’ll see them go from rope to bobbing stones. In a fire pit. Now there’s a beacon of creativity to hope for.”
“Oh my, all that AND a still-hanging vine at the end. This is all too much.”
“And another drop. Whenever will it end?”
“Alas, I got my bejeweled wand with me, but nobody to admire it. Whatever will I do?”
“OK, now they’re just throwing breasts in my direction in hopes that I’ll be too distracted to do anything, and that’s just sad.”
“It looks like it’s working, though. Or do you have any other explanation for your roving eye there, sport?”
Nothing! I wasn’t staring… much.”
“Oh yeah?! Well, is that an extended mace in your hands, or are you just happy to see me?”
“I’m always HARPY to see you.”
“G-gh!”
“O-oh… oh, no, you DIDN’T?! Oh, PLEASE tell me it’s not true…”
“Eugh, it… was. That was just… so… evil.” *bluergh*
“Ugh! Maybe if I go… *urp* …up on a hill, I can… *hurgh* …use this as biological warfare. Turn their manure-centric trap against them, so to speak.”
“Oh… oh, great. I have to go into a castle. This is going to suuuuuck!”
“Heeeey, this is not a castle.”
“Were you expecting one?”
“Well… yes.”
“TOugh luck, then, shorty.”
“Oh, sure, you can call ME shorty now, but that’s because both of us still have our upper bodies. Give me a second, and I’ll see if I can downsize you some.”
“It’s a drop with a wall? Hope this pit doesn’t tighten up.”
“What the hell is that?”
“Looks like a dragon’s heWHOA! Man, that was almost my face.”
“A lil’ drop for some extra slope speed. That’ll help.”
“Aaaaand the fire pit. Of course.”
“Hey, Mr. Sorcerer. Do you think you could wait until I can get across the spike-firepit-spike combo here? I wouldn’t dream of being unappreciative of your amazing trap setup or anything.”
“Smartass.”
“Oh, you up there now? Got tired of waiting? Well, sorry for taking so long, but hey… a good trap can’t be rushed. Literally.”
“Christ, do they have me climbing these chunks just so that I can jump down another drop? Don’t hold back on my account or anything.”
“Hey there. I want to AXE you a question.”
“Sorry, but I’m only here to kick your axe.”
“You shall receive mine in your thorAXE!”
“Axe it, stage left.”
“Just relAXE, homeslice. I’ll part you soon. In the middle, most likely.”
“Oh, stop it. Just kill me and get it over with.”
“And now for the premier performance of ‘Faceful of Fire’, and we’re already attracting a crowd.”
“Oh my God, this is… like the ULTIMATE fire pit or something. Rock blocks, swinging ropes… stuff.”
“My oh my, that armor piece is just FAAAABulous. Golden era, isn’t it?”
“Oh no! He’s on my vulnerable side. I need to turn around quick.”
“Oh, funny guy, eh?”
“Hey, Mr. Wizard. I’ll be over shortly. I just need to make sure I get past these sinus rocks with my brain unbludgeoned.”
“Take your time. No rush.”
“OK, so here’s the gate. I wonder what kind of bum lives here right under the mountain.”
“That’s not a man at all. And… uh, do I count you as one being or several? Do you want me to cut off those heads? Maybe you all will grow your own bodies.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, but there was no need to get upset. It was just a suggestion.”
“I mean… I just had a lot of practice…. cutting heads… and stuff. So yeah.”
To be continued…
LPer’s note: Like in stage 4, stage 5 is where I had a game over and had to try another time to get the screenshots I wanted. That is, however, NOT the reason I have an axe in one picture and a sword in the second one in the boss fight. No, that was just my axe running out. Yes, as noted, the weapons you pick up only last for a while before reverting to the sword again. Old videogame logic and all that.