Chapter 4: The Possible Origin of Palette Swaps.
“Please forgive me for DROPPING IN unannounc-.. oh, nobody’s here? Boooring.”
“Geh! What the… I just landed from a drop, and I have to throw myself into another cliff already? This is getting ridiculous.”
“Oh, thank GOD, an enemy. All this falling down was getting me… uh… frustrated.”
“Prepare to FALL!”
“Awwww, not AGAIN!”
“Helloooo nurse. Why, you have the first covered-up boobies I’ve seen. It’s actually kind of refreshing.”
“Well… thank you… I think. Now…. DIIIIIIEEEE!”
“No, YOU die. And take your frigid lion with you.”
“It’s a ChimerAAAAARGH!”
“Wow, I’ve never heard about those.”
“Oh, that’s just great. A rock slide WITH fire pits. It’s like a catch 22 that’s really going to hurt in the… uh, backside.”
“Dear Lord, you’ve taken a dip in the poopie-pond, haven’t you?”
“What? What the hell are you talking about?”
“The bubbly pond. There’s a big one right ahead, isn’t there?”
“No, there isn’t? Now, stop talking nonsense.”
“Well, at least his insides were a fleshy pink. Oh well, time to jump the budget fire pits again. Because that’s just what my nuts need; more fireballs crashing into them.”
“OK?! I’M ALL SAFELY OVER NOW! CAN I PLEASE SEE SOME ENEMIES?!”
“Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. Did you put on a new layer of paint?”
“Let’s see you laugh with one of these down your throat.”
“I KNEW they weren’t knives.”
“Who said they were?”
“But… but…”
“Wha-hey, now that’s a teamup I would like to see more of.”
“What is he talking about?”
“I TOLD you to put on a top.”
“You might not realize this, but having wings makes putting on tops rather inconvenient. It’s far more liberating to just fly topless.”
“I’ll say.”
“Oh, sure, if you don’t mind the staring…”
*shrug* “That makes them easy to kill.”
“Oh, I love it when you talk dirty.”
“More penetrators? Joy. And why did the sky just turn brown?”
“I’ve come on behalf of Sword-Swallower’s digest. Please accept our contribution to your throat. We don’t cut ANY corners when it comes to our subscribers.”
“I’m just going to sneak off quietly and go kill myself now. Goodbye, brown world.”
“Thank God I’m not a part of the Commodore generation, or I’d NEVER make it across this swing. If I had paid good money for that, I would feel mighty cheated.”
“More protesters, huh? Well, PROTEST THIS!”
“Alright, I’m outta here.”
“Why do you insist on standing against our Master? Don’t you know how futile it is?”
“Now that’s something to hold a parade for: blind faith.”
“Oh, look. It’s a tiny cliff. It’s so cute.”
“Oh, darn it. I went and killed an enemy again without even getting to see what it was. Well, what can you do when you want to avoid having huge boulders crashing into your skull. I’ve already established that it hurts like hell.”
“Where is the horse and the rider? They have MELDED TOGETHER INTO ONE BEING! FLY, YOU FOOLS!”
“Hmmm. Looks like someone thought a bit of prodding was necessary to get up these last steps. Deliciously insidious, if I may say so.”
“More budget pits. Was that really necessary? They would have had more effect had they just been lumped together. And with no dangling rope hanging over it. These people never learn.”
“Oooh, a secret entrance. I’ve always wanted to try out one of those.”
“Heh heh heh. You just keep on staring at that wall, fools.”
“Yikes! A harpy inside this place? The bats I can understand, but I imagine she’s having SOME difficulties flying inside this cramped place.”
“Tell me about it. Stupid Master, putting me in a cave. If you kill him, he’d be asking for it.”
“And he’s such a cheapass too. Have you seen his fire pits?”
“Yeah. They’re pathetic. As if those small fireballs are any help when there’s solid ground on each end.”
“I think I like you, so I’m going to let you live. Besides, you really should get out more often.”
“Well, that was pleasant. I wonder what’s up next?”
“A spike and another fire pit. Another pit-on-a-budget, I bet.”
“Oooor maybe not. But then, our evil mastermind once again made the fatal mistake of including a dangling rope over it. They never learn.”
“Ooookay, budget pits on slides… now that’s at least marginally more effective.”
“But then it’s back to the ol’ basic setup again. Maybe they’re trying to test my budget tolerance, because, admittedly, these constant small jumps are really wearing on my knees.”
“Damn it! Again. Um… sorry, guys, about the blow to your midsections. I hope it wasn’t too painful.”
“Um… hi. Did I interrupt something?”
“Nah.”
“YES!”
“…..”
“What do you mean ‘no’? We were going out, weren’t we?”
“We’re on the job, Charlie BROWN! This is NOT a date.”
“But… but you said…”
“I said what? That I wanted to work with you? Well, of course I would. You just keep throwing yourself in front of enemies all the time. Sure makes it a lot easier for me to survive.”
“You… you horrible woman.”
“Hey, a girl’s gotta look out for herself, you know.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, Charlie; you both are going to go down on my next attack, what with me brandishing a mace.”
“Well, thank God for small favors. That just makes me feel SO much better.”
“Hello there, Li-.. uh, I mean Chimera. I hope you got life insurance. Then again, I bet your boss is too cheap for that.”
“Yes… this is… very exciting. I don’t really have any more jokes for this sort of thing. Really. Enough already.”
“See? Now THIS is evil: a swinging rope with a fireball in the way. Now there’s something to get the ol’ ticker beating. One hit from that, and my jump is interrupted, and I am dead. That’s more like it.”
“Why, it’s the next horseman. I hope you like groin.”
“That looks more like a boot to me. And I’m about to get it.”
“So, I went in here and I turned towards the wall? Now why did I do that?”
“Why the hell are you asking me?”
“I didn’t. It was a rhetorical question, unlike this mace, which is going to be very physical and direct.”
“Hmm. Nothing particularly special so far.”
“Oh, a drop. How… original. My knees salute you.”
“Look… exchanging the huge boulders for sharpened rocks does NOT make this thing any different from that other place I ran through outside. Shame on you. I’m already angry as it is over your lame fire pits.”
“Yes, spikes and a hop. What did I just tell you?”
“Well, hello there. Are you the manager of this place? Because I’d like to register a complaint.”
“Look… if this is about that stupid parrot…”
“Parrot? You’re just wasting my time, aren’t you? Well, I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have to kill you now.”
“Such a senseless waste of human life.”
“Fireball before the rope… even this is getting old. You’ll pay for this, you hear?! YOU’ll PAY!”
“Oh, a slide right after, huh? Will it have small fire pits? Will it?!”
“Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. But it’s too late to go overboard with the fire now, my good man. Yes, even if you set the chains alight.”
“I’m guessing this guy likes his fortress in themes. Fire, THEN chains. Well, I’m going to choke him with one when I reach him.”
“IS ANYBODY HERE?! What the… did he get so excited about the fire and the chains that he forgot to hire guards? Did his budget run out? I need to know.”
“And here we are. Show yourself, man. I can see you in there. Don’t delay this more than strictly necessary.”
“Ah, I see. You are SAMURAI WARRIOR, WHO FIGHTS WITH HONOR! BANZAI! And all that.”
“Then again, maybe not. This guy was ludicrously easy, so I’m guessing Samurai Wannabe.”
“I bet they don’t have much in the way of treasure either. They couldn’t even afford budget firepits. Oh well…”
To be continued…
LPer’s note: Believe it or not, the fourth stage is actually the hardest in the game. Yes, the game actually gets easier from this point in. Which is to say, the castle parts of the remaining stages can and will probably kill you on the first tries, but once you know what to do, they’re a breeze.
Also, the eagle-eyed among you might notice something being up with the life counter. The truth is; I actually had to play this game three times to get all the screenshots needed for the game. Hey, it’s an action game, thus concentrating on getting screenshots actually makes it harder to play, OK? ^^;;
Well, that, and I have a habit of never continuing on this game. It’s just how I play it.