Hello, everyone. You know, sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the long treks of huge RPGs and go back to one’s roots: a little LP from the simpler games one used to play. And how better to do that than selecting a game of the kind you used to plunk that hard-earned allowance into. I am, of course, talking about the arcade games of old. And with that, I present to you one of my three favorite arcade games of all time….
RASTAN SAGA – a sword and loincloth epic.
Chapter 1: Halls of the Mountain King.
“Hey! Hey, you! Yes, you with the puzzled, dopey expression.”
“About time you noticed me. Say, you want to hear a story? It’s a good one, I promise. Filled with all kinds of monsters, dragons, boobies and other good stuff that should be included in any fantasy tale of note. And, of course, there’s me.”
“No, wait, don’t go. See this chair I’m sitting in? That’s a throne, and I am its legal owner, which, as I’m sure you know, makes me the King. Oh, but you wonder how I got to bec-.. what? Conan the Barbarian? Who’s that? Another barbarian who became king in a strikingly similar tale? Well, you’ve got some nerve to-… oh, never mind. And stop interrupting me.”
“Aaaah, I can remember it as if it was yesterday. It all started when….”
“Blergh! And wouldn’t you know it, the weather goes all crappy on me. That just makes me….”
“….RAGE! RAGE, I SAY!”
“Anyway, they promised me all the treasures of the empire, so yeah… that’s totally worth falling down a mountainside and landing on one foot for.”
“DIE, YOU MONSTER! Your kind doesn’t belong in this world.”
“Um… actually, we do. In fact, these are kind of our lands.”
“…oh. …uh, sorry, then, for reducing your friend to a huge, gooey mess with my sword, even if that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”
“Is that a… cork? Someone has actually plugged up a hole in the ground? Well, we can’t have that, can we?”
“DIE, YOU… YOU BLOCKADE! YOUR KIND DOESN’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!”
“…..”
“Well, I guess I shouldn’t expect it to provide me with any witty repartee. I mean… it’s a cork.”
“God DAMN it! What kind of idiot… I almost fell down into that hole there. Now I’ve got to go get another plug.”
“Hmm. Do I spy with my recently adjusted eye an axe? In the ceiling? Well, no matter. I am not adverse to greatly improved instruments of murder.”
“Oh yeah, that’s the ticket. Now to find some test subjects.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus…. Lizardmen from below. Now there’s a sight that needs to be scrubbed from my short-term memory, stat!”
“I feel… dirty, somehow. And I think I hear voices.”
“Don’t look down don’t look down don’t look down…”
“Ah, yes, jumping over earth-y outcroppings on top of a waterfall over a large drop. Don’t do this at home, kids. No, really, don’t do it. The ground will most likely crumble away and then you fall down and die.”
“And so will I once that axe meets my neck. It’s a cruel, cruel world.”
“Well, you should have thought about that before you went and kidnapped the princess.”
“Hey, we’re evil minions. What do you expect?”
“Lalal-..ugh, what’s that stench?”
“He who smelt it, dealt it.”
“Did you just try to blame me for… oh, dear God, I can still SEE the air behind you.”
“Excuses, excuses.”
“Well, that was embarrassing. Anyway, HAVE AT YOU, CLIFF EDGE! TASTE MY KNEE OF JUSTICE!”
“Hmmm. There’s a swinging rope, and the sky is turning purple. Surely, it must be a sign.”
“OOOOH, YEEEEAAAAH! I’d snap into a Slim Jim at this point, but that would probably be too much excitement at once.”
“OW! OK, mental note: do not try to slow the fall of huge boulders with your face. It kind of hurts.”
“HAHA! EAT MY FLAMING SWORD OF JUSTICE, FOOLS! Yeah, it looks like they were just milling around, minding their own business, but they kidnapped the Princess. Death is too good for these fools.”
“Say… do you hear something?”
“Like what?”
“Like muted, evil laughter.”
“No, not really?”
“I think I can feel it getting warmer too.”
“Well, it IS close to summer, you know.”
“I dunno. I just feel… something.”
“Eh, it’s probably nothing. Now, shut up and kiss me, you animal.”
“Nyeheheheh.”
“Well, there goes my last flame shot. I could really use a new weapon. I mean… the flame sword eventually giving out I can understand, but it makes no sense that regular weapons, like an axe, just… gives out like that. Only swords last forever, huh?”
“WILL YOU STOP ROARING, YOU NOISY BEAST?! I’M TRYING TO HEAR MYSELF THINK!”
“Oh, hey, it still works. Imagine that. Anyway, looks like I’ll be getting myself another roof-hanging axe. Wicked.”
“Now to get up there and kill that lion. Noisy bastards.”
“Geh! The lion I can deal with, but what the hell is that?”
“Aaaand it’s following me. Good lord, the others will at least just go on with their lives if they can’t reach me, but noooo… Mr. Gargoyle just has to be a perfectionist here.”
“It’s… a big glass flagon with some kind of blue liquid inside of it. And they expect me to do what with it?”
“CHUG IT, CHUG IT, CHUG IT, CHUG IT!”
“Normally, I’d say that was a bad idea, but I’m almost dead anyway, so…. bottoms up.”
“And now I’m… slightly farther from death. Hey, I’m fine with that.”
“It’s a rrrrrope near a rrrrrriver. Oh, look at me. I’m Michael Crrrrrawford. Hear me prrrrronounciate.”
“Oh, pleasedon’tcrumblepleasedon’tcrumblepleasedon’tcrumblepleasedon’tcrumble….”
“Will you guys STOP STANDING SO CLOSE TOGETHER. It just makes you look like a mass of limbs and nightmares.”
“Yeah, so says the guy whoOH GOD EVADE!”
“Too late.”
“OK, another mental note: do not take the blue guys’ knives with your face.”
“They’re… not knives.”
“….EWWWW!”
“THEY’RE NOT… THAT… EITHER, YOU COLLOSSAL PERVERT!”
“I’ll… just come back another time.”
“And as if the two blue guys weren’t bad enough, now we got a gargoyle riding a lion with a snake for a back, with another lion ready to attach itself, centipede-style.”
“Um… what?”
“Just… never mind. And DON’T WATCH THE MOVIE!”
“OK, fine. Whatever you say, you gigantic weirdo.”
“Nobody calls me a weirdo… and lives.”
“Yikes! I’ll just lob a few of these before sneaking off into the sunset.”
“Oh, hey, something new. Also, let’s see if these bats will die from a sword to the cranium or a mace.”
“Niiice. I wonder what kind of damage this one will do.”
“YOU GOT MACED, SON!”
“It might not look like it did, but… OW! That hurt.”
“Hmmm. Those statues in the background there KIIIIIND of remind me of something. If I could only remember what….”
*and in a completely different universe…*
“Long have I wanted to look upon the kings of old.”
“…..”
“What is it, Frodo?”
“Oh, nothing. I just… had this thought popping into my head. About this being some sort of fantasy fashion statement or something.”
“Er…..”
“Yeah… silly, I know.”
*oh well, back into the world of (high?) adventure….*
“And there’s the gate. It’s such an open, inviting castle, what with the bridge there being solid and no form of gate, drawbridge or any other lockable barrier. It’s almost making me feel bad for killing my way inside.”
“Yessir, this is a castle, alright. Well, I better make my way through it.”
“Whoops! Uh… sorry… whatever you were. Reflex. I didn’t even get the chance to see what attacked me.”
“…..”
“Oh God, I hope it wasn’t one of the castle staff, like the butler or anything.”
“Chains and pikes. I can already tell this is not going to be one of those friendly castles, despite their ‘open door’ policy. More like ‘enter of your own free will’ policy, if you ask me.”
“Oh, so this place DOES have a gate? Well, that’s just fine and all, but what’s with all the chains and ropes? It’s like this place is inhabited by a bunch of monkeys. Haven’t these people heard of stairs?”
“Uh… I was kind of joking with the ‘enter of your own free will’ line, but this place has bats in it. Ominous much?”
“And huge fire pits with swinging ropes over it. Why would…. I mean, it makes navigating this castle frustrating, but not impossible.”
“Bah! Who needs chains when you take no damage regardless of how far you fall?”
“Oh, God, this is a sewer level, isn’t it? And why are there no enemies here? I mean, really, aside from a couple of bats and that guy I didn’t even see, there’s nobody here.”
*sigh* “Oh, well, I should probably just move on up from this stinky place.”
“Ssssh, he’s going up.”
“Ub glub glub glub.”
“What are you talking ab-…oh, ewww. Go wash that stuff off you.”
“Well, what do you know… MORE instadeath traps. We can’t have enough of those, can we? It’s a good thing they drop down in a wave fashion. Makes running underneath them a whole lot less perilous. I wonder if that’s intentional.”
“Oh, hey, so there ARE enemies? Come here, you!”
“Oh, crap, he saw us. RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!”
“What the….”
“COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARDS! DID YOU GET YOUR ARMOR PIECE AT A SALE, SINCE IT COVERS JUST HALF YOUR BODIES?”
“….”
“Well, not that I should talk, wearing only my trusted fur pants with metal jockstrap and a couple of really nice boots. At any rate, I should enter this door and see where it leads.”
“AND WE ALL FALL DOWN! Seriously, what is this?”
“Oh, hey there. Is that a massive pike in your hand, or are you just happy to see me?”
“OW! Hey, what’s the… uh, point? I didn’t mean to make that pun, I swear.”
“OWWW! QUIDDIT! If that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll just have to cut your legs off.”
“Good lord, what a doofus. Oh well, he can think of his indiscretions… IN HELL!”
“Or I might take my time with this. I haven’t decided yet.”
To be continued….
LPer’s note: There really are more enemies in the castle part. I just noticed that most of my screenshots of the first castle level didn’t have any in it, so I kind of just went with that. ^^;;
Among my three favorite arcade games, Rastan Saga is probably the least hectic by a relatively large margin, instead relying on timing and measured attacks and jumps, plus memorizing trap locations. There is no time limit in this game, but lingering too long in a single location will make bats appear from all around you, beelining straight for you.
This game also has an official release by way of the Taito Legends packs. Rastan Saga is in the first one and the “power-up” pack for the PSP. Unfortunately, the US and European release of the Taito Legends pack is based on the US/European version, which lacks the opening segment, and replaces the inbetween level screen’s text with a generic “you are awesome for having completed this stage” text. The PSP pack is based on the Japanese version, though, which features both the intro and the original inbetween screens. (And they are in English, curiously enough.)