Chapter 22: A test of strength, a test of courage and a test of patience.
“Well, then. We came to the right place. Who knew that just flying nearly randomly into space would get us where we needed to go?”
“That’s the Aero-Prism for ya.”
“Yes, it is I… LeClerk.”
“You are holding in your hand a smoking goon; you are clearly the guilty potty.”
“Uh… I was going to go into a speech on how you’re all the heroes of light who are supposed to fight the darkness, but now I’m more concerned about how to tell you we’re all doomed.”
“There is no need to be rode.”
“Well, anyway, there you go. Rykros is the fourth Deus E… uh, I mean planet in this solar system.”
“Yes, that is what logic and space travel would dictate now, wouldn’t it? Alas, this planet is made by more mystical stuff than that.”
“As didn’t… well, anyone else. Except some kind of stone in some kind of godforsaken temple.”
“And who knew about the stone, I wonder? Or what it did? Anybody? Or are we just randomly stumbling into all the answers we need coincidentally?”
“Every thousa-… you better not goddamn tell me this has got something to do with the Dark Force attacks!”
“Bingo!”
“That sounds like a real bad subscription; death and destruction every thousand years. And I don’t suppose that the people of Algo FOUND this place a thousand years ago, huh?”
“What do you mean ‘hidden’? Didn’t he just say that the planet drops by every thousand years? Or do we need the gem to break through the firewall?”
“You’re using computer terms now. That’s real cute and all, but not quite applicable to the situation at hand.”
“Its plans are more complicated than ‘go here’ and ‘destroy stuff’, right?”
“Um… well, see… about that…”
“A test of courage? Seriously? We took a spaceship and flew it straight into the darkness of space, and NOW you want to test our courage. Admit it; you’re just stalling for time, aren’t you?”
*cough* “I’m doing no such thing.”
“Well, of course it’s necessary. I mean, we just got here ahead of the darkness, right? So what better time to start wasting our time with needless running about.”
“It’s NOT needless. Just you wait and see.”
“Yeah, yeah, you just keep those hands out of your pants and you’ll be fine.”
“We’ll be back long before Uncle Bad Touch has had a chance to touch your globular softness.”
“Well, I’m glad to see that this place looks as crazy up close as from the ship.”
“Even though we just exited House Cosmos back there.”
“Yeesh, what kind of beings can live in a place like this?”
“Ask a silly question, I guess.”
“Deathbear? Is he going to kill us with his bear hands?”
“That shield of his sure looks like a paw. Maybe he’s mastered the shield bash or something.”
“He’s taking pawing people to the battlefield.”
“Or it’s his version of the clue-by-four.”
“And now this. How many versions of these guys have we met so far?”
“He’s so green, though. I bet they’re eco-friendly.”
“They’re not very adventurer-friendly, though.”
“Well, we DID come in peace… with swords, claws and guns, granted. I guess it’s planning on returning the favor by being a thorn in our sides. Or jabbing us with them.”
“And the first tower is made of… waaaait for it… CRYSTAL!”
“I suspect there’s not a large variety of building materials in this place.”
“Sucks to be them, though. Sure, they might have the sturdiest housing prospects in the universe, but burrowing through them and making rooms must be a huge and time-consuming irritation.”
“Whuh?!”
“Not that this has stopped someone from making carpet patterns on the floor, though.”
“Someone in here must be really hopped up on STRNGTH enhancers, I guess.”
“Or they’ve got far too much time on their hands.”
“We’ve already seen these guys before, haven’t we?”
“In all the colors of the rainbow.”
“Like a veritable pride parade. Or a Mardi Gras festival.”
“Obviously, someone isn’t fond of the color red.”
“And seeing as this place has a clear ‘top floor’ vibe to it, I’m sure we’re in for quite the fight now.”
“He’s even talking like he’s in some kind of shounen fightstravaganza.”
“So, what are we supposed to say? ‘Bring it on’? ‘Let’s do this’?”
“Not before he’s said ‘You think you can take me?’ It’s the law.”
“Screw the law. We’ve got places to go and things to do.”
“And you’re worse than I thought. We’re not getting much out of our fights these days.”
“Well, let’s just take these… objects, then.”
“Well, this sure is… a tower.”
“I must admit I’m getting a little bored of this. It’s… too sterile and monotonous. Even the crazy enviroment on Dezolis was more interesting than this.”
“So, how is going into this tower somehow more ‘courageous’ than the other? Were we supposed to be told this tower is far more dangerouns than the other? Or will we be facing the exact same enemies in here?”
“Sounds like a really dumb dare. ‘DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO GO INTO THIS TOWER? DO YOU? HUH? HUH? DO YOU, WUSSY-BOY?!’ ”
“Maybe if we go up here, we’ll rescue the president.”
“Yeah. And then he’ll take us out for hamburgers or something.”
“Those who live in glass houses… or something. I forgot.”
“Partial glass floors? That’s so le chic, man.”
“Twin arms. Yeah, I guess arms usually come in pairs, don’t they?”
“And now they have twice the clawfinger.”
“And on our other side; two witches. Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?”
“Oh, yes, Brain. But where are we going to find partyhats in this place?”
“You frighten me sometimes, Pinky.”
“Glass floors they may be, but you still can’t see through them.”
“What? You disappointed you can’t see the crystal floor below that looks exactly the same?”
“YES! Any three-dimensional depth is better than this.”
“Aaaand this guy… uh…”
“Hates chess?”
“Isn’t fond of his fans?”
“Has initiated his anti-glomping defenses?”
“ALL OF THE ABOVE!”
“Yeah, we’re heard this song before, alright.”
“So… where do we attack this thing? Its… uh, balls?”
“I’m sure you hit it where it really hurt; the flaming body.”
“Um… you’re making it sound like we just walked past you without fighting. And we can’t have that on our conscience.”
“And why do you keep calling them ‘objects’. They’re rings.”
“And with this, we complete our set of five.”
“So, our ‘test’ was going to two towers and getting five rings? What’s the next part? Fighting off a lawsuit from New Line Cinema?”
“I think that’s supposed to be nine rings, though. Or one.”
“Alright, we’re back and we got your stupid rings. Now tell all. And don’t make me repeat myself.”
“Two beings? Wait, wait, wait! I can clearly see where this is going.”
“…yeah, that’s really cut and dry, isn’t it? And I suppose the light is good and the dark is evil?”
“I’m more concerned over the fact that we might have to fight a huge, black space discus the size of a whole galaxy. Where do we even START?!”
“Ah, I see. So it was just a pocket dimension, right? It wasn’t another dimension with other beings living in it that you now condemned to a short life ending on the darkness’ dinner plate? Because that would be kind of jerkfaced of you.”
*cough* “Of course not. What do you take me for?”
“And a fourth one that drops by from time to time in case things fall to pieces.”
“Wait, the light CREATED three planets just for sealing in something? And then people came to live there. That must’ve been inconvenient.”
“But… why would the seal weaken? Why wouldn’t the Great Light FIX the seal so it DIDN’T weaken instead of creating another planet that didn’t necessarily add to the seal, but returned to… warn us about all this? Why, why, WHY?!”
“Yyyyeah, I’m thinking this is getting dumber and dumber by the minute too.”
“Wouldn’t surprise me if this whole malarkey ended up being a prank on an universal scale.”
“Wait, so the Great Light knew the seal would fail in the end? But how does that… why would it… why am I even…”
“The fact that this doesn’t make any sense doesn’t make any sense anymore.”
“The most intense part of… man, does that sound as dirty to you guys as it does to me?”
“Um… not really.”
“Yes, in fact that black thing kind of looks like a… OH GOD NOW I CANNOT UNSEE IT!”
“This is all so symbolic and deep and stuff.”
“Well, of COURSE it’s patient. After all, it goes through WHOLE MOMENTS between each attack. Those must be excruciating moments indeed. No wonder it wants revenge.”
“Why would it need to try? With Parma gone, wouldn’t the SEAL be gone?
“Well, uh…”
“Wh… what happened to the clarity of the tale? Suddenly, it’s ‘maybe’ or ‘possibly’ or ‘not in a million years, bub’.”
“Also, why would it be the seal’s final moments NOW if Parma exploded a thousand years ago? Wouldn’t THAT lead to the seal’s final moments?”
“You ask too many questions.”
“Yeah, I’m totally not seeing where this is going. But, just to keep up appearances…”
“Well, we’ve had plenty of training in going where people tell us to and attack the things people tell us to attack, so when you tell us to jump….”
“…we ask ‘how high’.”
“And speaking of ‘high’….”
“‘Obey the will of’… you know, I think I’m starting to understand the Profound Darkness’s anger. The light is kind of bossy, and prone to lock up dissenters in alternate dimension and ordering others to kill it. How the hell is this going to end up making us look like heroes?”
“You are the people who are going to go kill the Profound Darkness… on my orders. Or rather, the Great Light’s. Are you saying this is making us come across as the bad guys here?”
“Well… yes.”
“A-HAH! You said you were NOT going to fight for NO mission. That means you’re going to fight for a mission.”
“Oh, Christ, this is stupid.”
“In normal circumstances, you’d come across as a bit of a whiner, but this whole situation makes absolutely no goddamn sense.”
“I know, right? And the scary part is, it all made sense until we got to this damn planet, where we get some vague story where only sociopaths wouldn’t think maybe the Darkness’s actions might be motivated by revenge, and not necessarily malice. And we only have Le Roof’s word for the Darkness’s sealing being a good thing. Christ, I… you’d think something named The Profound Darkness would be nothing but evil, right? I just… what the hell?”
“Um… aren’t we kind of already doing that?”
“Yes, I thought I’d just reiterate this.”
“Oh, OK.”
“You don’t say. Isn’t that what I’ve been saying all this time up until now, though?”
“Yeah. I just thought I’d add to the complete nonsense.”
“Oh, OK.”
“AH’M GOIN’ TO DISN-..”
“OK, I think we need to get serious now.”
“That’s no fun at all.”
“RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE RUNE, PUT ON YOUR ROCKET PAAAANTS!”
“Thank you for that.”
A bit taken aback and confused by the backstory of the big fight between the Light and the Darkness, the heroes try to find out what their next step should be.
“Eh, that’s fair. I’m not sure where we’re going with this either.”
“Ditto.”
“My logic circuits crashed and burned a long time ago.”
“You guys….”
“What’s the matter? I thought you liked being told where to go and who to stab?”
“Uh….”