Chapter 21: The Star Gem and the Lonely Planet.
“Didn’t you say there was a doctor from here named ‘Dr. Lube’? This, Chaz… this is a letdown, you know.”
“I know. I don’t know how that happened, though. We were probably too busy heading towards the basement. Alys could be so impatient sometimes.”
“I suspect it might’ve been some kind of sorority prank, though. I’ve heard those are quite popular in colleges.”
“That might be true. Hell, I would totally do that. I might even put a bottle up there just for the extra laughs.”
“…..”
“Actually, I might even change it to ‘Dr. Betz’, the guy who runs the online gambling society. He plays a hard game.”
“Maybe using some Lube would help.”
*shnrrrk*
“Yeah, I’ve heard that song before. Did someone hotglue you to that chair or something?”
“What?! How dare you?!”
“I dare quite easily. Besides, what are you going to do about it? Sit on me?”
“I would… if I could only get up from this chair.”
“Anyway, here we are, no thanks to the college. What does a team have to do to get some help around here?”
“And why am I getting Hahn vibes here?”
“Who?”
“Um… nothing. I take it you plan on inviting yourself into our party, huh?”
“Sure do. Ah, but where are my manners?”
“Yes, I think I can see where this is going.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“Oh, but you must.”
“Yyyyeah, we’re singing that song now, are we?”
“Well, that depends on how useful they are. The more useless they are, the more we’ll waste our healing spells and items. Quality, Wren. Not quantity.”
“Oh, but you must.”
“…..”
“Oh, let’s get you into a few fights before you start calling us ‘kind’. Battles can be a harsh… uh, mistress… or something.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to tell me something.”
“Indeed.”
“Well, Kyra said I was awesome as-is, so I don’t need to be polite. So there.”
“Excuses excuses.”
“You’re all very strange people too, aren’t you?”
“So polite, huh?”
“Beware all ye who enter here. Thy barriers shalt be water.”
“Let’s not get all wet here.”
“I have no mouth and I must shriek.”
“They smell like ass too.”
“I guess mushroom stew is out of the question, then.”
“Yes, it’s… newt of… something.”
“Flame Newt? Not quite. More like… Very Red Newt.”
“It kind of looks like they’re doing pushups.”
“Or taking a-..”
“HOKAY, let’s not go there.”
“Looks like they eat lava and poop chili. And we’re due for a fresh batch right about now.”
“Your killing abilities make you embarrassed?
“Naw, just faint praise.”
“Oh.”
“Yyyyeah, OK, enough of that now. Get your lips off my butt.”
“Sounds so… shonen-tastic. Amazing. Wicked cool.”
“As a wise man once said; there are no shortcuts.”
“Eh, I don’t think it’s that big a deal.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know I’ve trained strenuously. Fast swings doesn’t just happen by themselves, you know.”
“Oh, so your swings are fast now?”
“Oh, quiet, you.”
“Say, what are you doing up here anyway?”
“Well, I’m… an archeologist. I.. uh, do archeology stuff. Like… read the script on the wall and stuff.”
“Are you really an archeologist?”
“YES!”
“….”
“No, really, I am.”
“You’re no Indiana Jones, that’s for sure.”
“Soldier TM? TM TM TM TM TM.”
“Having fun yet?”
“Sure. I mean… I’ve heard some lame abbrevations in my time, but this takes the cake.”
“No skin off my BK.”
“We use it to play ‘spin the bottle’.”
“What? Seriously?”
“No.”
“Should have seen that coming. But again; how do we make this gem work?”
“I know. It’s a gift.”
“Like your amazing irony-detecting capabilities?”
“Who do I look like? Lion-O?”
“Just do it, Snarf.”
“Oh, that’s a low-blow, man.”
“Beautiful? Rika, a giant laser is shooting out of the stone and heading off into the sky. This does not… disconcert you?”
“It’s pretty. Nothing pretty could ever be disconcerting.”
“The disconcerting part is where this laser ends up.”
*and where DOES it end up?*
“Hmm. What’s thaAAARGHOHGODLASERFROMTHESTARS.”
*uh…. maybe we should go back to Motavia now*
“Yyyeah, I kind of realized that myself.”
“Well, then. What are we waiting for?”
“That’s Wren for you. Always calculating trajectories and stuff.”
“And that couldn’t possibly be taken the wrong way or anything.”
“Yeah, because you never know when you’re in danger of being hit straight in the eye with a… uh, ray of light. Yeah.”
“Did you get the light in the eye? Or do you just have a migraine?”
“It… it’s white. Everything is white.”
“You ain’t blamin’ the stone for that, boy.”
“Well, why not? We’ve only met two so far.”
“I wonder, though. Was ‘Seth’ an actual character? Was he taken over by Dark Force, or was he just some temporary disguise?”
“I think he was… just some temporary bit character. Probably so we wouldn’t feel so sad about his… uh, change.”
“Relatively non-manipulative, wouldn’t you say?”
“Um… so far, he’s hacked a satellite and played around with the weather. Showcasing as a human for a little while strikes me as kind of… taking it easy for a while.”
“Oh, don’t even BEGIN to pretend you’re sorry about that. You’ve been itching for a proper fight for a good while now.”
“Well, it’s a good thing he’s crouching like that, or we’d only see his legs.”
“Then we’d have to go all Achilles on his ass.”
“I don’t know which is the worst threat; the absurd blade-hand or the huge, lumpy fist.”
“I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of both.”
“Um… or not?”
“Well, that was easy.”
“Poor Seth. He never got started on his training.”
“We’ve got! To hurry! To Rykros! It’s not that hard to grasp.”
“So you keep saying, but do you see this Rykros anywhere?”
“No, but that’s what we have the ship for, remember?”
“Well, then. There’s only one thing to do.”
“It’s a wonder if they don’t. I mean, they beat us to this island, but actually waited around for us. That takes some serious balls, man. Some serious Dark Balls.”
“OK, fine. But let’s go anyway.”
“Chaz, it’s… just one ryuka technique away.”
“Oh. Right.”
“Moron.”
“Follow the yellow liiiine, and we will go in our spaaace shiiiip.”
“Looks like somebody is enjoying himself.”
“Here we goooooo….”
“To spaaaWHOOOAAAAWHIPLASHAGAIN!”
“That’s… not what I asked.”
“It also sounds like a bad idea. Well, if not for the ray of light… that we can’t see right now. I hope your calculations aren’t off-center or anything, Wren.”
“NEVAR!”
“Actually, we have plenty of choices, but we’re not going to take any of them, are we?”
“No!”
“Goooo Team Danger.”
“Yes, it’s… space.”
“Look closer.”
“It’s…. MORE space.”
“We have a radar?”
“Well… yeah. Don’t we?”
“Yes, we do. I was just trying to stress you on purpose.”
“Well, thanks. Too bad it didn’t work.”
“AND YOU WIN THE MAIN PRIZE! Tell him what he won, Rika.”
“You are the winner of… a PLANET.”
“Score!”
“Well, this is a rather odd place, I must say.”
“Is it water or just cyan sand? The world may never know.”
“I’m pretty sure we’ll find out quite shortly, though.”
“Ah, the main hall. Hey, who turned out the WHOA!”
“WE ARE WALKING ON A GALAXY! THIS IS COMPLETELY MINDBLOWING!”
“And no drugs required, even. It’s enough to make sad hipster even more sad.”
“Eh, screw ’em. I say we get to the bottom of this.”
“Well, there is a lot of space for reverberating in that head of yours, so that doesn’t surprise me.”
“Oh, like you’re one to talk. I bet in your case, it doesn’t just reverberate. It’s bouncing off the walls like a cranial game of Pong.”
“Guys, we’re walking in cosmos, and you still find time to argue?”
“It’s a Dork-off.”
*AHEM*
Finding themselves literally in the room of space, our heroes encounter the one to provide them with all the answers they’ve ever wanted. There, the truth will be uncovered and the next stage of their journey decided.
“Your name is… what?”
“Le Roof… Le Roof… Le Roof is on fire….”