Chapter 19: Weather Wars.
“Hoooolee smokes. I don’t suppose we could’ve used this in the tower.”
“Nah, that would be cheating.”
“I know I’ve seen the light.”
“For us, yes. For you? Nnnnot so much.”
“Aww, but I even joined you for those side quests and all.”
“….uh, that’s a tower?”
“Looks a little wooden, doens’t it?”
“It’s got the charm of a treehouse built by kids.”
“Let’s have a look inside.”
“I think we’re getting to the bottom of the whole dirty secret in this tower.”
“That’s right. Now all we need is find our way to the top.”
“I miss the old stair and elevators already. Going into these fleshy tubes just…”
“If we look around, I’m sure we can find another vein.”
“Eesh, either this is part of the decoration, or someone sneezed really badly in here.”
“If it’s a Hakenleft, why is it standing on the right?”
“He IS standing on the left. By his point of view, that is.”
“Oh… right.”
“No need to be a ghoul about it, though.”
“I’m keeping an eye on you.”
“I saw what you did there.”
“I wonder what’ll happen if we poke it.”
“Twitchy goodness.”
“It’s still staring at me, though. It’s so rude to stare, you know.”
“A what?”
“Pow-shield. Probably used by those ESPers. You know, when they healed the sick with the power of their upper arms.”
“This… this is the last straw!”
“And a few more.”
“Either that, or all these are from the same one, which means someone in here likes to be challenged when having a refreshment. Gotta respect that kind of tenacity.”
“And coming from the girl who wanted to go solo against the killer wood, that’s really saying something.”
“I think this king is kind of a… liberalist.”
“There won’t be much LEFT of him once we’re done.”
“I guess he’ll be a conservatist, then.”
“Ye-.. wait, what?!”
“Do we have any good axe jokes left?”
“No, I think they’ve all been spent.”
“That’s a scythe anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”
“Do we have any good dark matter jokes left?”
“NO!”
“I… don’t get it.”
“I see your Radhin and raise you with some Rodan.”
“These names aren’t even making any sense anymore.”
“See that symbol on their capes? It warns us of the Radhination level.”
“Ah, the second floor of loogie halls.”
“Looks like the Ghostbusters got a little crazy in here.”
“…Lars? Who is this guy? Some kind of viking sorcerer?”
“I like his color sceme, though.”
“He’s one of those ravers, isn’t he?”
“Go, go, funky Joe.”
“I think he wants to do the wave.”
“Or order a beer from two bartenders at the same time.”
“Now we can finally leave the enemies in a bind.”
“……”
“Or startle them with the powers of palindromes.”
“They won’t know what hit them, or which way.”
“And hey, know what’s better than one viking sorcerer?”
“Three?”
“That’s all well and fine, but I thought there were supposed to be FOUR horsemen of the apocalypse, not three.”
“I HAVE LEGEON, A SKILL THAT IS MANY!”
“Um… yeah. Sure.”
“So… whose turn is it to put a finger in it. The eye, I mean.”
“I refuse. Seriously, that squishy sound… it’s just awful.”
“Oh, fine. I’ll do it, you yellow-bellied ninnyhammers.”
“Well, either that, or the nastiest crab infection any big, phallic fleshy thing has ever experienced.”
“It’s downright willy-shriveling.”
“Well… yes. Obvious, innit?”
“Why stop at twos? Given how fond this tower is of trios….”
“Hush now, Chaz. Don’t jinx us.”
“Nope, that was the other one. THIS one only messes with Dezolis.”
“Oh, bite me, argument boy.”
“Um… Rune, it’s a simple fact. Not an argument.”
“Oh, yes it is.”
“Oh, no it isn-..HEY!”
“Heh heh heh heh.”
“Well, I hope he’d sense our presence. It’s not like we’re standing right in front of him or anything.”
“And why would we hope he’d attack us? What’s wrong with stabbing first?”
“Yep. It’s a crab, alright.”
“It’s a Giger Crab.”
“Well, let’s defeat it, then.”
“I think he’s seeing red now.”
“So, now that it’s dead, does that mean the tower will shatter and all?”
“Most likely, yes.”
“…….”
“RUUUUUUUUN!”
“As the tower crumbles.”
“Does this mean that Dark Force created this tower? And if he did, how would Raja know about it when it was hidden behind the meat-eating forest?”
“Wow, Chaz. You’re all words.”
“Well, what do you want me to say? It’s a tower. It crumbled because we defeated Dark Force. It fell like a game of Jenga. The sun shines. The end.”
“I bet Raja is preparing for a long session of face-rubbing too. It sounds like something he’d enjoy doing.”
“You’re glad I’m not a hero who can do stuff on my own?”
“Well… yeah.”
“Well, thanks a lot, I guess.”
“I’m nobody’s darling.”
“Aw, you’re so cute when you’re cranky.”
“I mean… no. I mean… I can bring as much shame to my name as I want to.”
“Nobody messes with… the Rune.”
“HEY, YOU TAKE THAT BA-..wait, what?”
“I said you’re like me; far too eager to partake in childish verbal rumbles.”
“No argument there.”
“Is that a whupping stick in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
“Guys, you’re grinning in a rather unsettling manner.
“Oh, are we? I didn’t even notice.”
“I’m… sleeping in a different room tonight.”
“Twice. Also, what does that have to do with… uh, the giant laser striking from above?”
“It’s Dark Force-related, isn’t it?”
“Well… yes.”
“How about checking by Raja, guys? I know he’s annoying and all, but…”
“Uh….”
“And they’re saying this in the BEDroom.”
“With a wicked gleam in their eyes, no less.”
“Chaz, can we go now? Please? I don’t want to see where they’re going with this.”
“Violence. Blunt violence.”
“To the testicles, if necessary.”
“You always… need more time in bed. …how does that even…”
“I think he mistook those ESPer guys as girls, and is hoping they’ll join him in bed.”
“I… we… need to go now. The well-being of my brain depends on it.”
“Apparently we’ve missed out on her pole dancing.”
“Yes, she sure is wild, looking on Chaz as a little brother. Because that’s what wild girls do.”
“That, and going on solo missions. By HERSELF.”
“…..”
“Uh… yes. That’s kind of what the word ‘solo’ implies.”
“Yes, I imagine punching someone in the stomach all night must be tiring.”
“The poor guy in the bed looks even worse off.”
“Well, that’s what fists to the stomach do to you.”
“Oh wow.”
“It literally looks like someone tore this planet a new asshole.”
“Well, then you’re going to love the next part.”
“And that would be?”
“Us going into it, of course.”
“What?! Hell, no! I ain’t going into any planetary cornhole, dammit!”
“Well, don’t I feel like a part of ‘Once Upon A Time… Life’ now.”
“Wave? That was a full laser beam assault, man.”
“Damn you, internet. Your hate is a match for anything.”
“We sure did.”
“I’m… going to avoid the obvious joke here.”
“Hell if I know.”
“Well, that’s comforting.”
“Oh, you thought that, didn’t you? Did you honestly think it was going to be that easy?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, once you’ve fought Dark Force Crabs in the big phallic tower, what could possibly be more disquieting and horrifying than that?”
“You don’t say? So… how come we didn’t already know about this? How come our ANCESTORS didn’t know about this? It doesn’t sound like something one could FORGET THAT EASILY!”
“Well, we had to go SOMEWHERE after the last millennium. Wouldn’t it be disappointing if all you had to fight was another Dark Force? Diminishing returns and all.”
“Sounds like a smokin’ place.”
“Smokin’ red.”
“Oh great. He just wanted to recite a poem.”
“And a lousy one at that.”
“Actually, I’m saying you need to go find the Aero-prism and go to Rykros. Let me be a little vague at least.”
“Yes! To Motavia.”
“Motavia?”
“Everybody?!”
“To Motavia?”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake….”
“Oh, so you know where that place is, huh? Then you know why we need to go to Motavia.”
“Motavia?”
“DON’T YOU START THAT WITH ME AGAIN!”
“And teach Wren to spell correctly while we’re at it.”
“You got something against my vehical?”
“I might, if I knew what it was.”
“I wonder why people say that. It doesn’t mean anything, because anyone can say it. Look, we’ve come this far. As in where we are now. It’s ‘this far’. It’s ALWAYS ‘this far’.”
“Hey, I don’t like your sensible rhetoric in my eloquent speeches.”
“Well, thank God you chose to inform us about Rykros, because that’s the missing piece of… wait, Rune, you knew about the Aero-Prism, right?”
“Well… yes.”
“But you didn’t know what it does?”
“Yes, it shows the way to Ry-.. uh, I mean… no, I don’t.”
“I.. just… OK, fine. Never mind. I don’t want to wrap my mind around this any more.”
“Don’t you have somewhere you need to go, child?”
“Yes! Thanks! Whatever.”
“We’re approaching Motavia now. Preparing for atmospheric reentry.”
“Motavia?”
“Yeah, joke’s over, Chaz. Let it go.”
“Oh, fine!”
“Well, I guess it’s been some time since we last visited this place.”
“Shame we couldn’t bring Raja or Kyra with us, though. I bet they would just love some Motavian climate.”
“Well… yes, when you shut everything down, there will be no abnormalities. That’s normal.”
“I put them on hold. I didn’t shut them down.”
“It’s the same thing, only with more electricity expenditures.”
“I think he was being sarcastic, actually.”
“No, not really.”
“Well, that kind of brings a question to the forefront.”
“What is that?”
“Why didn’t you get this machine back when we rescued you from Zio? We had to make do with the Land Rover. Which is an awesome machine, don’t get me wrong, but this one is far more useful.”
“No can do, Chaz. Won’t have you accessing areas you shouldn’t go to until you really needed to. I mean, what if you went to the Soldier’s Temple right away to get the Aero Prism?”
“You’re right. The implications to that would literally make my head explode. Thanks, Demi.”
“Any time.”
“Yes, we already knew that.”
“With Kyra gone, this party is very short on hot chicks.”
“Hey!”
“He’s got a point, though. So, how about it, short stuff.”
“I bet she’s just wants to stay in and play World of Starcraft.”
“That is a lie!”
“…..”
“I plead the fifth.”
“I wonder how many times we’re going to have to say that before we actually get there.”
With the main temple destroyed, our heroes have to go to the hidden planet and seek out the light, but before that, there are treasures to be found.
“Chaz, I might be wrong, but this doesn’t look like the Soldier’s Temple at all.”
“Well, no, it’s not. I just thought that since we’re here, we could check if there’s any new guild missions we could undertake.”
“Chaz, we need to work on your priorities. And timing.”