Chapter 6 – All aboard the generation gap.
“I mean… it’d be pretty silly of me not to after going through all this trouble for you.”
“Um… I guess so.”
“And hey, through this journey, I’ve learned how wrong I was to want to bring the army of Landen into this.”
“Really? Maybe there’s hope for you yet.”
“Yes, it was far more rewarding and satisfying to pave my way with blood and carnage. Just me and my buddies on a roadtrip of murder and death.”
“Oh, Pandora. Why hath thou forsaken me?”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s just his twisted sense of humor. Trust me; he was whining like a child the whole way here.”
“Aaaaand the way to Aridia. And back again. And because backtracking seems to be all the rage these days, back to Aridia and back here AGAIN. Yessir, all kinds of walk-y, fight-y fun.”
“I see. Well, in that case…. *cough* ”
“Sweet. Let’s paaartaaaaay!”
Because who cares about stupid, ol’ peace? Past the wedding night abridged, Ayn was born in the nick of time to start off the next generation, and a fine generation it is. But, as with all grand quests, this one starts yet again with the subtle hints of trouble on the horizon.
*mutter* “But no mention of their faithful allies Wren and Mieu, I see.” *mutter*
“Now, now, Wren. I’m sure we’ll all be awarded with another grand adventure soon enough.”
“OK. NEXT!”
“Oh, really? Well, isn’t that just ironic?”
“I’ve got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about this.”
“A bowel movement?”
“If this is going to play out like I think it will, King Rhys will be the only one feeling the effects of a bowel movement, with the aid of my foot.”
“Our MONSTERS have been beaten by VILE cyborgs? Gotta love a one-sided perspective.”
*mutter* “Tell me about it.” *mutter*
“You’re being uncharacteristically grumpy today, Wren. Something eating at you?”
“Oh, just enough spam, spyware and Draconian scams to wave a stick at. My system could really use a cleanup, but nooooo, that would just dig too much into the royal coffers.”
“My systems are just fine. Then again, I’ve never entertained myself by surfing porn or buying crap over the Landen network channels.”
“NEXT!”
“Dad, seriously… was it really necessary to put FOUR guards to use just to deliver that one message?”
“Just one of the many perks of being a King. Besides, it’s fun.”
“I seriously question your idea of fun.”
“Allow me to amend that.”
“Oh, you… you bastard. You may be my dad, and you may be the King, but… you would condemn me to a life of waltzing around and backtracking just to prove a point?”
“He’s one to complain. It’ll just be his first time doing this, while we…”
“OK, mom, who hasn’t aged at all for fifteen full years. If you put it that way…”
“That’s my boy.”
“Hard as it would be for strangers to believe.”
“You’ve certainly inherited your father’s sass.”
“You take that back!”
“Oh well, I guess a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, even if what a man’s gotta do is go out on some vague quest.”
“Vague? Which part of ‘find Sattelite’ did you have problems interpreting?”
“Cranky, cranky.”
“Ooh, our first decision point. Let’s go… left!”
“That’s the spirit.”
“…ooor not?”
“Hmm. This is not a good omen.”
“I am going to kill you!”
“Before we leave, let’s… just give Wren a little tuneup. Looks like he needs it. Aheh.”
“I wonder if my father heard about THAT when he went on a walkabout all around this world. And… uh, the neighboring ones.”
“Eeeeh, who cares, duuuuude? Eeeverything is just sweeet beans.”
“Good lord, Ayn, what did you DO to him?”
“Oh, nothing. Just made a few upgrades.”
“And the soles of my feet.”
“And the patience of your crew.”
“Yes, ind-NO, THEY’RE NOT?! They’re just scattered, random encounters outside, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.”
“Oh, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. Death only comes to people in stories like this when they’re old and are supplanted by their chi.. uh oh.”
“I’m not sure I like where this is going.”
“See? There’s NO cyborgs here. Looks like the whiny wimpiness of the only Orakian town here has rubbed off on these people.”
“Well, isn’t this magical? A pathway across the sea that arrives just when we need it to.”
“Whatever. Just move already.”
“OW! OK, fine. Just… stop stabbing me in the ass.”
“Oops. Force of habit. Sorry.”
“…I guess that explains why my father was never fond of sitting on his throne.”
“Har har. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“Wait just one second. Are… are THESE the enemies our people are cowering in fear from? Seriously?”
“Well… yes.”
*sigh*
“HEY, LYLE! YOU HOME?!”
“Aaack! Ring the doorbell, you idiot.”
“Wren, this castle does not HAVE a doorbell.”
“Whatever. Either way, turn it down. I’ve got SUCH a headache.”
“Headache? You’re a cyborg. Cyborgs don’t GET headaches.”
“Welp. Looks like the upgrade program is just about done installing.”
“Can we go inside now, please?”
“That’s alright, dude. We didn’t ask for your help. We just came to see how you were doing.”
“Haha, kids today. Rude as hell. You really are Rhys’ son.”
“I’ll… take that as a compliment.”
“Helloooo nurse. It’s a bit odd, but still a shame that you don’t have a character portrait. Oh well.”
“You truly are your father’s son.”
“It’s a good thing he lost the one underneath all that hair, then. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to see anything.”
“You… you… haha, oh we are so doomed.”
“One-eyed victory, sure, but victory all the same.”
“Uh… I’m sure I have no idea. It’s not like it’s a well known fact that the Orakian people use cyborgs in battle, but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Erm… don’t mind the two cyborgs walking with me, though. Yep, juuust a coincidence.”
“Yeees, somebody already said that. Thanks for caring, though. And don’t worry about joining the local militia or anything. I’m sure they won’t mind everyone just walking around aimlessly in the towns or anything.”
“Hey, let’s drop by the village of wussies. I want to hear what excuses they come up with this time for not even letting their army join the fight.”
“Sure, why not? It’s not like I have any pants to piss laughing, so I don’t need to hold back.”
“Make sure not to spill THAT much of your oil. We might not see many chances to have it changed.”
“Yes, yes.”
“Oh, pfft. You guys don’t even NEED to fight, and yet you manage to sound even more pathetic than you used to.”
“Well, that was a whole lot worse than I feared. Maybe the others can offer more hope for this place than this guy.”
“Statement for the ages. Of course, if you aren’t even going to try to find an answer, you are doomed to end up…. answerless.”
“Ayn, Prince of Logic.”
“Regent of the Obvious.”
“Who knows? Maybe they’ll drop by and invade your town. Then you’ll find out.”
“Awww, you made her cry. Didn’t your father teach you never to make a girl cry?”
“No, not really.”
“Figures.”
“My father should never have come saving you from your little dire straits. You people were in sore need of a lesson on how to ‘man the hell up’ before, and even more so now.”
“WE KNOW ALREADY! JEEZ!”
“Well, I sure didn’t think I’d ever have to sail THIS boat again. At least it’s not the boat belonging to that pervert captain and his odd lucky charm fetish. I swear… I’ll drop myself off the rafters if I ever have to set foot in that boat again.”
“Now, now. I’m sure we’ll be just fine. My father said he had only gone through that cave to find a gem, and we have that gem in our possession, so… no chance in hell, right?”
“I hope so.”
“It’s not your first time in this village either, right?”
“Nope. I sure hope that fisherman hasn’t missed his boat. We kind of held on to it for 15 years, after all.”
“The late returning fee must be astronomical by now.”
“Which makes this at least one person who honors his father.”
“…and? What’s your point?”
“My point is… that’s one too many.”
“Gah! We JUST arrived here, and already they’re throwing the backtracking curse at us.”
“Lovely. Well, back into the boat, gentlemen.”
“The fisherman looked mighty peeved. We JUST returned his boat, only to take it away from him again.”
“Luckily, they had no choice. They had to honor your father, after all.”
“Yeah, ‘lucky’ us.”
“Wow, I didn’t even know cyborgs COULD roll their eyes.”
“You learn something new every day.”
“Well, normally, I would probably be annoyed about having to go THROUGH Lyle’s castle, but I’m worried about the ol’ lunkhead.”
“Now there’s a trait where you exceed your father. I’m almost encouraged by this.”
“Um… hello? Anyone?”
“Looks like they left. And we didn’t even meet them halfway. That’s… odd.”
“I’ll say.”
“The two moons are surely getting a workout raising this little strip of land for us just so that we don’t have to lug that boat up here. Because going wherever we wanted to with that boat is just so… convenient.”
“Oh, stop complaining. We can’t always get what we want.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“This is one EMPTY city. Did Lyle cook up his famed batch of chili again?”
“Is that one of your crazy euphemisms?”
“No, I meant that literally. I’ve never been so glad over my inability to consume food before.”
“I… see. Have I really been THAT lucky in my visits here during these last fourteen years?”
“Oh, you have NO idea.”
“Not sure whether you care, but his chili was actually your mother’s odd food demands while she was pregnant with you.”
“Alright, now you’re just making me curious.”
“Damn, even the stores are abandoned. That must have been one hell of a batch.”
“Ok, can we forget about the chili for two seconds? Somehow I doubt the total evacuation has anything to do with that.”
“Don’t underestimate the chili.”
“Wren, did your upgrade go over well? You’re acting stranger than usual, and you can act pretty strangely at times.”
“How rude!”
“God DAMN it! How did we miss them all? Did they swim over the oceans? I mean… I have to backtrack the same route I just backtracked. Do you know what that mean?”
“That we’re all out of tracks?”
“Ye-..wait, what?”
“Yep. Castle’s empty, alright.”
“The guy told you so!”
“Hey, just making sure. Because I would HATE having to backtrack after having backtracked where we backtracked before.”
“You’ve… got a point. Never mind.”
“Alright, let’s… hope we don’t have to come back up here ever again. And that’s an odd thing to say when you consider the fact that I’m talking about my own home.”
“Oh, I forgot something back at Cille.”
“AAAAARGH!”
“Juuust kidding.”
“You.. you… stop grinning like that!”
“Say… this new region on my monitor here?”
“Yes? Do you need to know anything about it? The topography? The wildlife? Social structures? Political systems?”
“No, I was just wondering…. does it look like two peninsula doing the respec-knuckle to you?”
“…..”
“What?!”
“Nothing. Just… nothing.”
“Invisible entry point, we meet again.”
“What kind of monsters are down there?”
“Well, there used to be these kinds of weird bats and stuff earlier, but there’s no telling what might be down there now.”
“Uh….”
“I guess they’re fans of the hands-on approach. And you know what that mean, right?”
“SPAAAAAZ ATTAAAAACK!”
“Are you two done entertaining yourselves?”
“Oh, no, this is just the beginning.”
“Phwoar, this is some sweltering heat.”
“Really? I wouldn’t know.”
“How did my father handle this heat?”
“Not very well, as far as I can recall.”
“Um… OK, this is… not very intimidating as enemies go. I sure hope you faced something a bit more dangerous than this.”
“Not much more dangerous, no. Definitely rude, though.”
“What? Rude?”
“Well, there were these giants…”
“No wonder. It takes a lot out of you to reach this place.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. He always says this to anyone who enters, regardless of how often they come back.”
“Right.”
“I wonder what it is about wide open cave entrances that require you to bring along gemstones to even be allowed to enter them. It just doesn’t make any sense.”
“We’ve altered the rotational paths of celestial objects, and you complain about something as minor as this?”
“Well, uh… yes. What are you talking about?”
“Never mind. Just thinking about it gives me a headache in the logic circuits.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I know where they’re at.”
“Oh, do you now? Would it have anything to do with a cave, by any chance?”
“Yes, indeedy.”
“Lovely.”
“I KNEW it! First, we have to go all the way to the west to pick up a stone that lets us travel to Landen, and THEN we have to backtrack all the way to the east. I just don’t see how they could make it any more aggravating and ridiculous than this.”
“Ok, they’re selling something called ‘Ndl’. What does that even mean?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“We’re in a weapon store, Ayn. Kindly put two and two together.”
“Yes, hmm. It must mean…. NOODLES! Yes, that’s it. Wait, Laser Noodles? Must be some kind of new food product, rich in energy.”
“What are you talking about? Are you doing this on purpose just to see me walk on walls?”
“You can do that?”
“No, I… argh, just stop it!”
“Well, here we are. Let’s hope you are right.”
“And he scores. Yet another point to Wren the amazing.”
“THIS IS NOT A COMPETITION!”
“So says the losing party.”
“……”
“Now, now. Calm down, Mieu. It would be inconvenient if you went postal here.”
“Except that one guy who stayed behind, yes.”
“Seriously? The royal family, three guards and two attendants, for a grand total of eight people? Out of two complete cities? Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Hmm. Three soldiers and two attendants? That SHOULD make nine, unless I’m mistaken.”
“Uh oh. I’m not sure if I like where this is going.”
Problems ahead? The road is never straight and smooth for a true hero — that is just the way of things — but some unforeseen circumstances can still throw a few bumps in the road for our team, and the Prince might find himself having to overcome some challenges he wish he didn’t have to.
“SON of a… they took her east, didn’t they? They took her in the complete opposite direction of where I was going to go, didn’t they? So now, I have to first head east, rescue Thea, THEN head back west, pick up the Topaz, and THEN… THEN I get to return east again just so I can LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND!”
“Well, you know what they say: if you talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk.”
“Don’t you start with me.”
“Now, now, my friend. Come… let us sing songs as we travel.”
“Dammit, Wren. I’m not in the mood to..”
“‘And I would walk five hundred miles. And I would walk five hundred more…'”
“SHUT UP! AND STOP SINGING!”
“Now, now. You’ve always wanted to follow in the footsteps of your father, right? Well, here’s your chance.”
“Wren, so help me… I’ll deactivate your humor subroutine.”
*sigh* “Why me?”