Chapter 12: “You’re always welcome in Border Watch, friend.”
“OK, so we have to enter a castle to get to the other side. I guess that won’t be so bad.”
“Famous last words.”
“Hush now. Let me enjoy myself while I still can.”
“No path leading up to the castle gate, huh?”
“I wonder if the human race will ever perfect the castle gate path technology.”
“It’s the final hurdle towards the path to enlightenment.”
“Trees. That’s a good start, at least.”
“It feels like we’re entering through the back door. Not what I’d call elegant.”
“Mieu, we’re on a mission to prevent someone from crashing our world into a sun. We’ll deal with elegance later.”
“Scolars? Wisemen?”
“…..”
“…uh, and wisewomen.”
“Good.”
“Anyway, why would we need any of those when we got PILOTS!”
“Yes, PILOTS are indeed the last caretakers of ancient wisdom. Whatever would we do without them?”
“Not to worry, though. All children out there can sleep well, knowing that somewhere out there, there’s a PILOT looking out for us.”
“They’ll wipe away a child’s tear.”
“Rescue kittens from trees.”
“Help the elderly cross the badly made castle pathways.”
“Fight evil!”
“Crys, Wren… what the hell are you two doing?”
“Rescue the Princess from their castle captivity.”
“And walking to the next castle if they have to.”
“That’s enough, you two. Stop ignoring me!”
“No, I can’t say I did, WREN! When were you planning on telling me about this nifty, useful little ability of yours?”
“But… but… it’s really embarrassing.”
“Embarrassing? You can fly, swim AND dive. You’re the Swiss Army Droid, Wren.”
“But… but… it’s still embarrassing.”
“Who cares? We’re going to go get you those parts.”
“I don’t wannaaaa.”
“Hey, can you make French Fries too?”
“It’s FREEDOM fries.”
“It’s also an old joke. Knock it off.”
“You two are no fun at all.”
“I’ll say. My grandfather grew up thinking we were living on a planet, and instead we’re someone’s biology project. What gives?”
“I’m more concerned about how we could let all this amazing PILOTING knowledge become lost, ancient lore. Since we’re living in a huge spaceship, wouldn’t it be in our best interest to… you know, HAVE IT WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE?!”
“Now, now, Mieu. You’re shouting at the king.”
“Yes, he’s the King of a city that won’t even stay united. How do you screw up even that?! It’s a city. With maybe even as much as fifteen people in it.”
“And we have to get through it.”
“Well, since this castle seems dead set on splitting this town right in the middle, I guess we have to try the stairs.”
“Christ on a… we have to walk through THE DUNGEONS to get through a castle. And it’s not even the first time this has happened to me.”
“Relax, Mieu, and let those cooling units do their job.”
“Alrighty, we’re in a large room, and there’s a path down to the left. Let’s try that. It’s even in the right direction. Maybe this won’t be as bad as I first thought.”
*sigh*
“You were saying?”
“What the… just smack dab into a dead end? Goddamn it! Alright, let’s go back up and see if there’s another stairway down into the dungeons.”
“Freaking stupid castle. OF COURSE nothing would ever be that easy, grumble grumble….”
“Looks like Crys’ cheer has worn itself down. It’ll be smooth sailings from here.”
“YOU SUCK AT DESIGNING CASTLES! YOU AND YOUR ANCESTORS!”
“Yeah! You tell ‘im, Prince Charming.”
“Alright, looks like this is it. It’s our ticket out of here.”
“They’re stairs! They go down.”
“Semantics, semantics.”
“Alrighty! This pathway may go up, but I’m pretty sure this is where we need to go.”
“See? His confidence and cheer is back.”
“For as long as that’ll last.”
“Want a Trimate, mate?”
“I’m not sure I like where this is going.”
“Now, now. Anything that keeps him from going postal over us is a good thing.”
“Grah! Nothing but dead ends here too. I swear… when I become king, I’m going to outlaw ridiculously complex dungeons. Nothing but straight pathways from now on.”
“First, you have to figure out how to MAKE pathways in the first place. Or at least make them go in the right direction.”
“I KNOW!”
“Well, if we can’t figure it out, I’m sure there are some PILOTS out there who can.”
“Wren… you’re not helping.”
“OK, FINE! If the answer doesn’t lie in the dungeons, then maybe we just need to go around them.”
“OK, so far so good. Now if only….”
“A tight squeeze, but still… this might be it, you guys.”
“Waaait for it.”
“……”
“Crys, you’ve been standing there for ten minutes, all silent and all.”
“Told you so.”
“FFFFFFFF….!”
“OK, FINE! BACK HERE ONCE MORE, BECAUSE WE OBVIOUSLY HAVE TO DOUBLE-CHECK EVERYTHING!”
“Crys, relax. It’s not like… Mieu, say something to him.”
“Don’t worry, Crys. It can only go downhill from here.”
“Mieu… you’re not helping.”
“…..”
“Great. Prince Crys crashed again. Help me reboot him, Mieu.”
“I’ll be more than happy to.”
“Ow! Dammit, Mieu. You didn’t have to kick me in the butt.”
“I only did what Wren told me to do.”
“I didn’t mean that literally, Mieu. And you’re doing that on purpose.”
“Jury’s still out on that one.”
“Your grin tells me otherwise, Mieu.”
*sigh* “We’re apparently not out of dead ends yet.”
“At least we’re out of the forest.”
“Yes, we are… wait, what?”
“The forest? You know, the TWO TREES that were standing in our way? That we could easily just have chopped down?”
“Um… they were a part of someone’s garden.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. We’re on a mission to stop our world… ship… whatever… from CRASHING INTO A SUN, and you’re worrying about a couple of trees? Do accept my humble apologies for this blatant disrespect for life, you treehugging hippie.”
“The worst part of this is that there’s no enemies here. This dungeon solely exists to waste our time.”
“You seriously want there to be enemies in here?”
“Well… sure. If we’re to trudge through tedious dungeon after tedious dungeon, we should at least get some way from benefitting from it, like EXPERIENCE POINTS or something. This just wastes our time. Just because someone couldn’t even make a direct path through a freaking castle.”
“That’s… true, I guess.”
“Yessir! This is hot stuff, isn’t it?”
“Sneaky, sneaky hallway. Looked like a dead end at first, but actually had two snappy turns that lead onwards.”
“Shut up and walk faster.”
“It’s another antidote.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not like these don’t cost 10 meseta in any regular store or anything. Good thing we saved ourselves THOSE expenses.”
“Treasure is treasure.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourselves that when we have to go back through here to get back to where we were.”
“And once again, we’re faced with a serious dilemma. Which way do we choose in this completely enemy-devoid dungeon? Several seconds are on the line here, after all.”
“OH THANK GOD we chose the right way. This could have taken forever.”
“And a day.”
“We’re… still inside the castle.”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
“You watch your mouth. I know your mother didn’t teach you to speak like that.”
“Actually, she did. She even said that to me once.”
“Wh…what?”
“Boggles the mind, huh?”
“It’s Sari, after all. The queen was always a little bit rowdier than most. But then, you really should know that, Mieu.”
“…..”
“I think a part of her mind broke.”
“It would appear so. Well, nothing a reboot won’t fix. Would you do the honors?”
“I was hoping you’d ask.”
“When I find out which one of you slapped me on the ass, you’re dead.”
“It was him.”
“Shut up! It’s embarrassing enough that we found the exit to the castle this fast when I have to walk around with a palm-shaped red mark on my buttcheek, which this fabulously swimsuit-shaped wardrobe of mine isn’t doing a thing to hide. I hope you two don’t mind coming across as two collossal perverts or anything.”
“Wow, that is just groundbreaking news.”
“Yeah! We totally didn’t hear all this in the northern end of town.”
“For being a town that chose to split itself in two, your newscasts are impressively synchroneous.”
“And you know THAT, even? Old traditions and lore don’t survive for long, but current events sure stick to the mind like superglue. Your selective memories sure work in weird ways.”
“Gah! Stop giving us strangely specific and useful information. Don’t you have anything to say about this town or the weather or… I dunno… something that DOESN’T CONCERN US AT ALL?!”
“Now, now, Mieu. We can use all the hints we can get.”
“But… but who talks like that? We didn’t even say where we needed to go, and yet this guy is giving us strangely specific hints that tell us exactly where we need to go, and what items we need to get. It’s creepy.”
“Just don’t think about it. Let’s go take your mind off all this with… SOME SHOPPING!”
“Are you trying to distract me from current creepy events by playing up stereotypical female needs for shopping just to make me mad?”
“Well… yes.”
“It’s working.”
“Now, the ceram knife and claw I can understand, and the Lacon Shot as well. But… Laser Staff? How do you make staves out of LASER anyway?”
“One bowl of Force Noodles, please.”
“Um… Wren, that’s not..”
“And they thought this would calm my nerves?”
With the long and perilous…. well, at least long… trek through the castle of Divisia, a town name so blatant that even “Techna” sounds like a subtle hint in comparison, the crew once again prepare to set out to the cave in the west to find the SUB PARTS they need to get to Laya’s pendant, which they need to go to Aridia, and who knows which parts they will end up needing to go anywhere else. The world is full of peril, as our friends are about to find out.
“This… is not good.”
“It’s the three brothers Flexington, and they’re going to impress us into submission with the awesome powers of Pec Flex. And squats.”
“Oh Lord, the humanity….”