Chapter 11: In space, no-one can hear you scream in frustration.
“Yes, well… if I spent all of my time in a single city, I wouldn’t have to fight either.”
“And besides, I’m the only human in THIS foolish group.”
“Then again, we can’t just leave the fighting up to you now, can we?”
“You’re so thoughtful.”
“Really? Say, Wren… Mieu, did you…. uh, your weary looks tell me you’ve heard about this particular cyborg before.”
“Yeah, some of the cyborgs here are kinda stuck on auto-repeat.”
“Faulty memory, I think.”
“Could be the main processor.”
“Or the connectors to the cerebral cortex.”
“……”
“What?”
“You’re both such…. NEEEERDS!”
“This has been a message from the Hazatak sightseeing association.”
“I guess any whirlpool WOULD be amazing in such a dried-up hellhole.”
“Sub parts? Is there something you haven’t told us, Wren?”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask. It’s… embarrassing.”
“Well, I have a sneaky suspicion that we’re going to have to cross that bridge sooner or later. Might as well just make it sooner.”
“And we are going west. Why are we going west?”
“Would you rather go back where we came from?”
“Well… no. But I got a feeling we’re going to have to anyway.”
“But until then, let’s just live in denial a little bit longer.”
“Slayl and Flayl, brothers in battle.”
“They’re a killer combination.”
“So are your jokes.”
“Hey, look. It’s Wobble and Bob.”
“Looking for some fire-based action.”
“…..”
“Well, here we are. I’ve never been here before.”
“We have.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Do you always talk synchronously like that when someone asks you about your past?”
“No, not always.”
“Um… ok. Right. Forget I asked.”
“Ok.”
“Stop that!”
“What the… it’s… it’s a one-legged, one-armed… thing.”
“Almost makes you sad for killing them, huh?”
“Not really.”
“We also got ourselves another member of the Moos family.”
“You just can’t keep a good Moos down.”
“Thank you. Now tell me why the hell we are here.”
“Crys, what the hell…”
“Feel like talking, you… you… old city introduction geezer?”
“He’s lost it.”
“Yes, you are. Our enemies are… endless backtracking.”
“And underground tunnels that make no sense.”
“And bad comedy on the road.”
“Heeey.”
“I think we’re getting to the root of the problem here.”
*gnashes teeth*
“OK, even I wouldn’t make a bad joke like that.”
“Oh, sure. Backpedal all you can. I’m sure they’ll lend you a leg or something.”
“Well, at least they have a leg to stand on.”
“Looks like it’s ladies’ night. Rawr.”
“Didn’t your mother teach you how to treat women right?”
“She sure did.”
“Well, you might want to keep an eye out, Crys, because the lioness there looks like she’s going all rawr over you.”
“Uh oh. I believe you’re right. She’s about to… to…”
“…uh, walk like an Egyptian?”
“Eeeverybody was KUNG! FU! FIGHTING…..”
“Stop that!”
“Is she… training to become a chef?”
“Either that, or she’s waving us goodbye with her sword.”
“I don’t understand these enemieeeees. None of their attacks are making any sense. Whyyyyhyyyhyyyyyy?!”
“I wonder where you get in line for the job of ‘standing at town entrances wishing everyone welcome’. Must be a glamorous job.”
“I’m sure it’s better than the ‘milling around aimlessly anywhere else in the town’ position. And you get to meet such interesting people that way too.”
“Apparently, the ‘go outside, see the world’ job is not in high demand.”
“That’s only because our space station is being a cheapass with the flyer miles.”
“Well, the dragon is kind of dead, so that’s not going to happen.”
“Oh, come on! Let’s go have a look-see anyway. I mean, we’ve wandered all the way over here in the first place, so why not wander off in the wrong direction some more?”
“And here we are. Happy now?”
“Yes, ma’am. My life is now complete.”
“And it’s about to get even more complete.”
“I do believe we’re about to get ‘nayled’.”
“…..”
“Ew! Which colorblind doof chose the color sceme for the Finis?”
“Or the name.”
“Morte. Fatale. Finis. Sounds like someone had an obsession with DEEEAAAAATH!”
“It’s another bizarrely short strip of road with an apartment complex alongside it. I wonder if we’ll ever figure out this mystery.”
*cough*
“You know something, don’t you, Wren?”
“Nonono. I’m sure there’s not some insanely embarrassing explanation for any of this.”
*sigh* “Well, here we are again, where we all started out and none the wiser for it.”
“Except we’re all a few levels richer.”
“Gotta love small blessings, I guess.”
“Come see lovely Landen and her green forests and… uh… brown mountains.”
“Realism. It comes in a large variety of brown.”
“Now you’re getting in the spirit of things, Mieu.”
“What?! I’ll be doing no such thing, even if I have to USE spirits to prevent it.”
“You DO realize that cyborgs can’t get drunk, right?”
“Oh… phooey.”
“You guys are weird.”
“Well, now… how did I know the cave entrance would be behind this elaborate labyrinth of dome walls, mountains and impenetrable forest patches? Let’s just call it… a HUNCH!”
“He’s been at it for just a short time, and he’s already developed a hunch. I’m so proud.”
“Oh, just wait until he develops a cynical attitude to the whole thing. THEN this journey will just become a barrel of laughs.”
“I should probably stop being surprised by the railing-less path made of glass. It’s obviously made by someone who wants people trying to traverse this thing to die.”
“Or throw up. Hey, do you remember the first time we brought Rhys into one of these?”
“I was trying to forget! Thanks for reminding me, you jerk! That’s thirty-six years of carefully erasing and blocking out bad memories wasted.”
“Glad to be of service.”
“That’s it! I’m getting a MalThought program.”
“Um… what?”
“This is a ribbon made out of ceramic material? That… makes no sense.”
“And do you think anything else you’ve seen so far has made any sense?”
“Well… no, but…”
“That’s my girl. Already doing a great job at helping him build his cynical attitude.”
“No matter what I do, I can’t win. Why me?!”
“This wall sure was necessary.”
“Like you said, it’s made by people who want you dead. Or at least near-dead from frustration.”
“Well… it can’t be quite THAT bad, can it?”
“Then again…”
“Some kind of sadist sure had a lot of fun designing this place.”
“Hey, it’s a LaserShot. I think this one’s for you, Wren.”
“Actually, I had one back during the second generation run, and it’s already been replaced with something much better.”
“That’s weird. It’s almost like… they expected us to go through this place much earlier.”
“Nah, that’s just silly.”
“Well, here we are, because walking around that was really goddamned necessary.”
“Better get used to it, sport, because we’ll certainly be passing through this place again in the near future.”
“Lovely.”
“OK, according to my calculations, we should find the chest up this way.”
“Right you are. Oh, if only we could reach it.”
“AAAAARGH!”
“OK, OK! If we go up HERE, we should reach that goddamn chest. And there better be something really sweet inside of it, or I’ll be liable to just kick it off this place and be done with it.”
“Now, now. Don’t go and pop a vein now, Crys. I know it’s just glass and all, but blood is still a bitch to get off it.”
“Nrrrgh!”
“A shield! Do any of you even USE shields?”
“No, not really. I don’t know why you aren’t, though. I mean, you’re using a sword, and swords and shields go so well together, you know.”
“Yes, I KNOW, but for some absurd reason, all sword manufacturers only make two-handers, so the only thing I can use with a shield are daggers. Which kind of defeats the whole point of using shields in the first place. Especially since using a sword actually provides defense in addition to its greatly increased attack. Why the hell do you think I was lugging around this huge thing around to begin with?”
“I always thought you were compensating for something.”
“I… what?!”
“Well, I DID travel with both your father AND your grandfather, after all. And while I could understand Ayn somewhat, Rhys always struck me as the KING of overcompensating.”
“It might be a weird thing to say, but… the less I know, the more blessed I’ll be.”
“I’ll say.”
“And we are outside. And look, it’s another world of green and brown. Green fields, green forests and brown mountains. This’ll be a blast, I bet.”
“It’s a touch of naturalism.”
“Finally! It’s a town.”
“Barred on both sides by a forest, which kind of forces us to go through here.”
“Yeah, but… so what? We can take a day off and rest in a proper bed here. What’s wrong with that?”
“…probably nothing.”
Within a couple of days, our heroes once again reach… A TOWN! Time for some R&R before leisurely passing through on their journey. Time for upgrading their equipment and gathering information from the local townsfolk. Things may be looking up for our heroes at last.
“Northern… DIVISIA?! Uh oh, I don’t like the sound of that.”