Chapter 10: Third time’s the charm for Desert Storm.
“Really? Wow, I… um, why’d you choose me instead of her? Not that I’m complaining or anything, mind you.”
“Because Thea is my cousin, and that would just be icky.”
“Heeey.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“Yes, but…”
“Besides, I’ve always had a thing for girls who threaten to kill us on our first date.”
“I did NOT threaten to kill you.”
“No, you threatened to get down and dirty with Mieu, which is way hotter, I guess. But let’s waste no more time, woman. You know what you have to do.”
“I guess we know who’ll be wearing the royal trousers in this family.”
“What? No more questing? No more endlessly backtracking? No more fighting odd stick robots and androids kicking us in the face repeatedly? You are a cruel, cruel woman, my queen, and I think I love you.”
“Well, at least she understands him.”
“That someone is doing sloppy Photoshop work when preparing game screenshots? Yeah, that is something to dread, alright.”
“No, no…”
“Boy, does this feel like deja-vu. Keep it to one messenger this time, if you please.”
“Ayn, what the hell are you talking about?”
“My father. Don’t ask!”
“That is grim news indeed.”
“That Siren and his man-boob complexes. Sometimes, I just wish he would accept himself as he is.”
“Yeah. Especially since he could just have made himself a new chest plate. It’d save us all a lot of trouble.”
“…..”
“Mom, I think I’m starting to understand why you insisted so much on handling raising me by yourself.”
“And what am I? Raw meat?”
“Of course not, Mieu. You’re a lovely physical manifestation of metals, electricity and programming, and I love every part of you. Even if you’re more than 1036 years old.”
“And then some.”
“I KNOW what Azura is, dad. You’ve taken me there several times already.”
“Right. Well, that just makes things easier.”
“Or you can return our ship to its proper course and THEN destroy Siren. The options are plentiful.”
“Or… well, two.”
“Yes, or that. Just make sure you cane his ass but good. Punch his chest plate until it’s flat as a washing board. Maybe that’ll make the nonsense end.”
“Uh… right.”
“Word, mom.”
“And learn to speak properly!”
“Yes, mom.”
“And don’t slouch! Sit up straight! No elbows on the table.”
“OK, mom.”
“…..”
“The two of them are just entertaining themselves, aren’t they?”
“Yes, Crys has always been a mama’s boy. Thank god for that.”
“Well, we’re off to not fail. Goodbye, everyone.”
“Do tell. Anyway, it’s time to head off to our first destination.”
“Satera?”
“Nope!”
“Aridia, maybe? I’m sure the cyborgs there can fill us in on…”
“Nonono.”
“Huh?”
“Then where?”
“Why, down here, of course. I have to see where all of this started. It’s where my grandfather set out on his big adventure, after all.”
“Yeah, he went off girl-chasing. Not quite as noble a goal, that.”
“Why, look. Thirty years, and the coffers are still empty. I knew we were poor, but damn…”
“We’ve barely even started, and we’re ALREADY backtracking. This is going to be SO much fun.”
“Now now, Mieu. I’m sure it’ll be better this time.”
“And this is the hallway where grandfather was taken down. How fascinating.”
“I can’t tell whether he’s being sarcastic or not.”
“I bet he just misses his mom.”
“I wonder if Sari knew about this place.”
“Of course she did. It’s the place where she almost made short work of your father instead of deciding to marry him.”
“Outstanding.”
“He’s… being sarcastic.”
“And this is the store they walked through. Someone should call the chronicler right away. We’re missing out on important history here.”
“Crys, enough already. We’re wasting valuable backtrackin’ time.”
“Mieu, you really should sort out your priorities here.”
“OH, LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK!”
“Actually, it’s the ship that has turned against us, by turning away from us and towards the sun. Say, do we have a sun in the first place, seeing as this is a spaceship?”
“You’re only thinking of this NOW? I swear…”
“Well, actually, the universe is full of suns. We only fly by them from time to time to recharge our energy. Common sense and all that.”
“Even worse than Siren, who wants to plunge us into a star? Wow! I wonder what HIS plan is?”
“Er… I don’t think he meant it quite THAT way.”
“Well, good. That way, we don’t have to go anywhere. We can just wait for him.”
“Um, Crys, we were sent out to find Siren. Right now, Lune doesn’t concern us in any significant way.”
“Well, in that case, you’ll be delighted to know that we will probably make several returns each time we pass by here. Might as well just add to the padding time by doing sleepovers at home each time we do.”
“Can’t argue against that.”
“Well, here we are… outside.”
“First, we should start by checking the monitor. Maybe it’ll be updated with the latest map patches.”
“Oh, Wren. You so silly.”
“Just be happy that your mother isn’t here. She would weep at your grammar. Weep, I say.”
“And there’s our ship, with Aridia smack dab in the middle.”
“SEVEN sections now? Well, that ought to lower the chances of having to go back and forth all this time.”
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
“Slasher? What does HE do?”
“It’s got a cone for a head.”
“It has no mouth and it must scream.”
“Well, looks like SOMEONE is taking time out of their busy scedule of making strangely addictive MMORPG games to come play with us.”
“The irony is staggering.”
“Well, here we are at… uh, what’s this place’s name anyway?”
“I have no idea. I’ve never been here.”
“Uh… really? How about you, Wren?”
“If I have, it’s been wiped out of my memory banks.”
“Wow! Well, then. Let’s investigate.”
“I swear… some people just don’t know how to hold a party without bringing everything to ruin. Just look at that chandelier.”
“Crys, this place have been attacked!”
“Well, you know what they say. You gotta fight for your right to party.”
“That’s corr…wait, what?”
“We, eventually, unless we DO something!”
“Like… walking from town to town and talking with people.”
“And eventually, we’ll meet up with the being responsible for all this, and we beat them up.”
“Isn’t that always the way, though?”
“Well, gee… it isn’t like the Orakians were known for commanding cyborgs and the Layans for commanding monsters or anything. Those historians must have been full of crap and bad Root Beer.”
“Actually, it was mostly Ginger Beer, but yeah.”
“Of course.”
“Hey, it’s Wolfgang and Wolfgang, and they’re out walking their birdies.”
“Those new paintjobs sure do a good job of making them look menacing.”
“Oh, I think they look FAAAABulous.”
“There’s something… off with this combo, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
“Well, your mother always taught you never to touch wild animals.”
“Metaphors, Wren. Metaphors.”
“Bah! Who needs metaphors whem they’re up against birds whose legs are so stubby they don’t even reach the ground?”
“Well, here we are about to do our first bout of spelunking.”
“DOn’t you get any bright idea to test any walls by throwing yourself against them.”
“Why wouldn’t I do that?”
“Because there aren’t any.”
“I do remember you telling me about this absurdity, but seeing really IS believing.”
“I wonder if these girls have to put up with other guys referring to them as ‘chicks’. That’s got to be really annoying.”
“No, I… wait, what gave you THAT idea?”
“Well, it just struck me as a rather punny thing to do. It sounds like something my father would say.”
“If you only knew how right you are.”
“Oh, look. She’s waving bye-bye.”
“With her feet.”
“Well, if she were waving with her arms, she would probably crash into the ceiling.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“NO, IT DOESN’T!”
“Now that’s a nice, little variety pack.”
“The… well, the ‘chick’ looks kind of purple, though. I wonder if she’s sick.”
*mutter* “Sick of the bad puns, I’m sure.” *mutter*
“That robot’s stance looks rather… inconvenient and tiresome, though.”
“Tell that to your father, who wanted me to do so as well.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh, yes! Yes, he did.”
“And now, from the department of redundant redundancy….”
“Her name is Morte… like DEATH!”
*sigh*
“You OK, Mieu?”
“Yeah, I’m… yeah. Maybe I’ll just let these borgs kick me in the head a few times.”
“Well, here we are at the end of this really bizarre dungeon, and it’s just a couple of stairs standing right out here in the open. It doesn’t even look like they’re going anywhere.”
“Crys, just stop questioning everything strange you see, or we’ll NEVER get done with this quest.”
“Uh… right. That sounds like a really good idea, and not an ill omen at all.”
“You just keep on paddling down that river of denial for a bit longer. Sometimes, it’s better just to split up all the madness into manageable chunks.”
“Well, here we are in the middle of the desert, me in armor and Wren in thick metal plating. This ought to be a blast.”
“And yet, you win the ‘least whiny comment’ for your first entry into Aridia.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Well, your father took it rather well, but your grandfather moaned about it the whole way to Hazatak.”
“Snails! Snails in the desert.”
“Not to mention toads. Two animals known for generally needing at least some amount of humidity in their habitat. Illogical, I know.”
“And it only gets better from here.”
“Oh, joy.”
“It’s a ‘killer’… because all the other enemies are not playing for keeps?”
“Killer and Deathfly. It’s a match made in… uh, not heaven, at least.”
“Poor dryad, ending up as a third wheel.”
“Ok, now this is just getting silly.”
“Don’t underestimate the Moos. It can influence your vowel movement, which can lead to a painful death.”
“It’ll go for your throat?”
“Nnnnope. It will make your teammates want to kill you.”
“Uh….”
And so, another band of heroes again walks the beaten path. A new danger arises, and they must fight to save their lives and go where no man has ever gone before. They must retrace the steps of their forefathers, wherever that takes them.
“I’ll say.”
“About once a generation, I think.”
“But at least we’ll be dropping by from time to time for a while. That’ll be nice, won’t it?”
“Don’t mind me. I’m just graspin’ my oar and paddlin’ down that river.”