Chapter 7: I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.
“Oh god, that whale again. I just don’t ever want to see it again…”
“You look a little pale, Alex. Are you eating enough fish?”
“If I did, you’d find it in the ocean or the ship deck by now. But, since I had the good sense not to eat anything big before getting on the ship of mr. Offshore Powerboat Racing here, I did at least save myself that trouble.”
“It’s a shame we passed that huge fish further up there.”
“Nall, we don’t try to eat fish so large that they can eat us, especially the ones who are so large they can eat us, ship and all.”
“Details, details.”
“You’re looking a little better.”
“Yeah, I’m feeling a little better too. It sure helps that I can see land in the distance, so that I can go swimming if this idiot captain capsizes the boat with us on it.”
“So, how’s the captain doing?”
“Enjoying himself, if the many ‘arrh’s and ‘shiver me timbers’ are any indication.”
“I wonder if we’ll ever meet up with anyone else with really odd dialects thrown out of nowhere just like that.”
“Hmmm.”
“…..”
“Naaah.”
“Holy… what the hell is that?”
“That be the Leviathan, mateys. One of Lunars many wonders, that is. Lucky we are to be seeing it, me hearties.”
“We’re lucky if that thing doesn’t notice us and gobble us down on the spot. Why the hell are you driving towards it? We need to stay away from huge sea monsters with the ability to chow us down in seconds.”
“Arrh, where be the fun in that?”
“Where’s the… oh god, he’s not just a maniac on the water, but he’s an adrenaline junkie too. That’s just so swell, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Ah, there you are, Alex. We’ll be reaching the shore any minute now, and then… uh, are you alright? You look a little pale.”
“Oh dear, I think I know where this is going.”
“You could do with a little more fish in your diet. It’s good for you.”
“Ahah haha haaa haaa oh god, I just want off this boat now.”
“Ah, a grown man crying be a pitiful sight for these old sailor eyes.”
“What are you talking about, you senile old fool? You were the one who got us over here in nearly one piece?”
“Ohoho, so ye be the one hangin’ over the bow ‘o the ship, heavin’ ye guts out?”
“Although I didn’t have a whole lot to throw up, yeah. How the hell can you even make a sailing ship sail that fast? The winds weren’t even that strong to begin with.”
“Now now, I can’t be givin’ away me secrets just like that.”
“You know… just… fine. I don’t particularly want to know anyway.”
“That’s nice to hear, because we have a dragon to get to, so if you don’t mind.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Ah, always charming how peasants think running magic guilds take so little of your time that you just can go galivanting around Lunar any time you felt like it. Being retired must be nice.”
“Ow, touché.”
“Haha, do I wish Nash was here right now.”
“Well, he might be snotty, but he’s a hardworking fellow who does what he’s told. Yes, everything is going according to plan…”
“Erm… what?”
“Oh! Uh… nothing. I just had plans to… um… meet the dragon. Because he’s an old friend and… yeah, we’ve got… stuff… to talk about.”
“Stuff?”
“Stuff!”
“But…”
“I said ‘stuff’! Do you wish to intrude in my plans… er, I mean privacy… any further, young Alex?”
“I… better not.”
“And please stop… talking like… Shatner now, you… two.”
“You’re blaming ME for the kids around here not wanting to live in the boonies?”
“What are you talking about, Alex. That’s exactly what you wanted to do.”
“Yeah, but I still noticed that the other children around here were bored out of their minds with this place. Trust me, whether I actually left or not, the others would have eventually.”
“Alex, you need to take the opportunity to claim glory when you can. It’ll make Luna happier, at least.”
“Oh man, we’re going to meet her too, aren’t we?”
“Well, better that than her finding out later that you’ve been sneaking around town all of a sudden. If THAT happened, then good luck trying to convince her that you actually left for an adventure.”
*groan*
“But what a magnificent booger that is. Worth a lot on the Black Rose market.”
*harumph*
“I’m not looking, I’m not looking, I’m not looking.”
“Oh, come on, Alex. Lighten up.”
“You know, just ONCE I want a part of this long, insane journey to go over well. Is that too much to ask?”
“Oh, relax. What could possibly go wrong?”
“Not to mention the children’s choir of snickering in the back. Yeah, I sure missed that but lots.”
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Alex.”
“Nall, did you notice the orchestra in Vane? You know… before I got throw in jail for being a ‘filthy urchin’? They had guitars. And horns. Big, badass manly instruments that I’d much rather be playing than this… this thing that I can’t even throw away for some odd reason.”
“Well… you never know when it’ll come in handy.”
“It’s a HARP, Nall. When in Althena’s name will that ever come in handy?”
“Do you two do this all the time, or is this some means of entertaining guests? Because if it’s the latter, your routine could use some work.”
“I didn’t ‘lose track of him’. He left on his own accord to seek fame and fortune. In other words, nothing really new.”
“I doubt he left the city, though. Those monsters would make short work of him if he did.”
“And who is this Ramus? Someone we should know?”
“Ah… no, it’s best that you don’t. Heaven knows what kind of scemes he’d try getting you into if he knew you were the premier of Vane.”
“Most of which would probably get him into the local papers as ‘the smoking crater formerly known as Ramus’.”
“I… see.”
“I don’t know about you, lady, but I’m not sensing much fatherly love coming from that guy.”
“I must concur. The interesting shade of red in his facial features speaks of a man at his wits’ end.”
“Now, now, you two. Let’s not burst anyone’s bubble here.”
“Are you sure about that? Don’t you think you should try some more to win me over?”
“Alex, I don’t think you sho… oh, hey, Luna.”
“GAH! I was only kidding, Luna, I… hey, she’s not here.”
*snicker* “I know.”
“Nall, I’m currently sixteen years old. I would very much like to become seventeen.”
“Mom, the last time I ‘surprised’ Luna, I had to get stitches.”
“Well, you were the one with the bright idea of sneaking up behind her with a paper bag full of air. And I didn’t mean THAT kind of surprise.”
“Hmm. Looks like I have to work a little on my mind-control spells here. Or maybe I’ll just send someone else to do the job.”
“Did you say something, Master Ghaleon? You were kind of muttering to yourself there.”
“Ah… yeah, just… uh, mentally preparing myself for meeting up with my old friend. Nothing important.”
“Oh, relax. I’ll be going back once we’re done here. Not that this huge journey was my idea in the first place, but… whatever.”
“Ahaha, that’s good. There’s nothing quite as humiliating as returning from a halfdone quest. Nope, nothing quite as bad as that.”
“Uh oh, we opened some old war wounds again. Better leave this one alone, I think.”
“Yes, dad. I wouldn’t dream about humiliating you for my own sake or anything. Each of the goddess festivals sure has taught me about what humiliation feels like.”
“Oh, which reminds me; do you still have your harp?”
“Wouldn’t part with it for the world.”
“I think my sarcasm detector just died screaming.”
“Oh, I will. Just a little longer now…”
“Erm… what?”
*cough* “I said ‘I sure will’. Don’t worry about it.”
“So… how about going to the monument?”
“Um… pardon me, master Ghaleon, but I.. kind of live here, so I also kind of already know. Kind of.”
“He also ‘kind of’ visited this gravestone every single day.”
“That’s… kind of impressive.”
“It’s what?”
“It’s admirable.”
“But, I thought you were saying..”
“Saying what? That it was admirable?”
“Yeah, sure, why not. Just… stop staring at me like that. I think I can see where Mia picked up her stare of doom.”
“It’s… *cough* …a shame Dyne died, though. He sounded like an awesome guy.”
“Good going, Nall. Now you REALLY ruined the mood.”
“But, I wasn’t… I didn’t want to…”
“Oh, don’t worry too much about it. It will all be made better very soon…”
“Oooh, I’m… not sure what you’re talking about now.”
“Yeah, that kind of sounded like a bad omen right there.”
“…why don’t we go see this Luna now. I would very much like to meet her.”
“GAH! I don’t have a paper bag, I promise.”
“Oh, don’t worry, honey. I’m just… um, not doing anything in particular right now.”
“Aheh, right.”
“So… isn’t there anything you want to say to me, Alex?”
“What?”
“Well, you know… it’s been a VERY LONG TIME since we saw each other.”
“Oh, right…” *ahem*
“That’s my boy. So, who is that with you?”
“My name is Ghaleon. I was an old friend of Dyne. We had many adventures together.”
“Like who? Anyone famous?”
“Luna!”
“No, I didn’t mean that. It was nothing, just an old memory of mine. *whew* Almost let the cat out of the bag there.”
“Um.. sorry, sir, I didn’t get that last part, what with how you were muttering under your breath.”
“It was nothing. Do not worry about me. I’m perfectly fine.”
“If you say so.”
“But enough about me talking about myself. Do you guys have anything you want to say about me?”
“It’s… just been a few days since we left, you know.”
“Yes, but… ok, is there anything you’ve done of merit lately, then, that I can use?”
“That you can…. anyway, did you fail to notice we brought master Ghaleon along here?”
“Ah, yes, that’s right. You got into Vane, didn’t you. That’s just excellent. A good start.”
“A good START?! Luna, you… why didn’t you come along in the first place?”
“You know, your little lover’s quarrel is quite interesting, but I think it’s time we went to meet with Quark.”
“Yeah, I mean.. just LOOK at that time.”
“Oh-kaay, here we are. This place shouldn’t be a big problem now.”
“You mean to say it actually used to be?”
“Hey, we were starting at level 1. What do you want?”
“Ok, almost there. Do you need some time to prepare yourself, master Ghaleon?”
“No, I’ve been doing that for years, so I’m fine.”
“You what?”
“I said I was fine.”
“If you say so. I just want you to know I’m not getting AAAANY bad vibes out of this situation. No, siree. Really glad I bought that book on self-denial, I am.”
“Um… couldn’t this wait just a while? I got a dragon up there who wants to check out my manhood, and I don’t particularly need any more reasons for feeling like a fish out of water.”
“No!”
“But… but…”
“I’m… sure he didn’t intend to do that. It just happened, you know, because… well, accidents do.”
“Nonsense! But whatever, it doesn’t matter. We’re finally meeting Quark, and, like I said, we’ve got a LOOOOT of catching up to do.”
“Rule the… Ghaleon, pardon me, but you’re really, seriously creeping me out here. I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t think I like where this is going.”
“Suit yourself, young man. You can turn away and head back if you like. I’m sure I will have no problems finding my way back.”
“…..”
“Why, Ghaleon, is that you? I haven’t seen you since our brother, the Black Dragon, drowned you all in an avalance of stones when he went crazy.”
“Wait, what?! That’s the first time I’ve heard something like that?”
“Is that right? Well, sit your ass down, then, because you’re in for one hell of a history lesson.”
“You see, DEAR Quark, you’re about to see the fruition of many year’s worth of planning and setting into motion, and now, finally, the twist will be put into motion. Noone shall stop me now. You will see your world fall under the rule of the Magic Emperor — which is me, by the way — and… oh, wait, you won’t. Because you’ll be DEAD!”
“What? Oh, no, it’s…”
“GHALEON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
“..it’s the dreaded CROTCH CANNON! YOU FIEND!”
“MOUHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“And right in my face too. Is this the kind of humiliating defeat I’ll have to endure?”
“The goggles… they don’t work, just like they said.”
“I’m going to have this scene seared into my eyeballs for the rest of my life. I don’t think anything can ever trumph this one.”
“I’ve got some… *cough* …last words, if you don’t mind. While I still… *cough* …have at least some of my dignity left.”
“Yeah, we know about that place, thanks for taking the wrong path the first time we came here. Do you mean to say that crystal…?”
“Yes, in them are the dragon wings. Pick them up you should, and find your destiny you will. Go… *cough* …forth, young Alex.”
“I will. Right now, in fact. Come on, Nall.”
“But… but, Alex!”
“Nall, I hate to be a jerk about this, but you’ve met him twice. And believe me, I know, because I was there too.”
“Stop raining on my parade. He was a dragon too, you know.”
“Oh yes, silly me. Well, we should probably go do what he said.”
“Damn straight!”
“Whoa indeed. I wonder just how these wings are going to help us to fly.”
“You flap them, of course. That’s what you do with wings.”
“Um… I’m not sure I can do that with these. Besides, they have no membranes, so it wouldn’t help even if I knew how to make that work.”
“Well, we’ll figure it out later. We should probably head home. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
“So says the kitty who at numerous occasions asked me what could possibly go wrong.”
“Whoa, I just learned a spell. From picking up an item. That makes no sense.”
“What did you learn?”
“Something called ‘Dragon Bolt’.”
“Is that when you make like sir Robin and run away?”
“Not THAT kind of bolt…. I think.”
“I wasn’t… um, checking it for more stuff. I was just, uh… dusting.”
“Whatever. We really should hurry back now?”
“Alright, alright.”
“Ooh-kay, the river that kind of arrives out of nowhere and runs through our village before disappearing underground again is kind of… gone.”
“Uh oh. Not good. Not good at all.”
“So… village or spring?”
“Spring. If Luna ever finds out you didn’t prioritize you first, she’ll never let you hear the end of it.”
“Point!”
“Well, she’s certainly screaming loud enough for us to be able to hear her all the way back in the dragon’s cave, if we had still been there.”
“Which we would, if I left it up to you. How much do I have to nag on you to get you to move?”
“Ask Luna. She did almost nothing but whenever she wanted me to do something.”
“Just go, Alex. We can talk about this some more later.”
“The Vile Tribe, I assume. And seriously; ewww. That’s some lumpy, Alien-like designs there. I guess only the women in the Vile Tribe look particularly good.”
“Alex, will you stop fooling around with those simpletons and RESCUE ME?!”
“Good lord, brat. Don’t you ever stop screaming?”
“I’m a professional singer, you clueless bimbo. Just wait until my boyfriend gets here. AAAALEEEEX!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.”
“Well, yeah, who did you expect. She’s been screaming my name all the time since you grabbed her, you know.”
“How the hell should I know? This is the first time I’ve heard your name. I was halfway expecting some stupid country hick from this pathetic village here, so I guess I was right about that, at least.”
“Oh, you cut me to the quick, but I forgive you because your cleavage still looks just fabulous.”
“ALEX!”
“Well, look while you can, little man, because I’ll be taking your dear Luna here with me while my minions finish you off.”
“In that case, you’ll sure get the opportunity to hear my name a whole lot more times. She’s not known for letting people off easy with her verbal barrages, you know?”
“That’s… that’s not true.”
“Urgh! Well, at least we got that soundproof cell prepared for an event like this. Anyway, boys? Entertain our guests.”
“Actually, YOU are the guests here. And some exceptionally rude ones at that.”
“Whatever!”
“What do you want with her anyway?”
“You what? Why’d you even think something like that?”
“Oh, we’re just taking the shotgun approach with this one. I’m fine with that, because it lets us create more havoc.”
“Touché, I guess.”
“Oh yeah? You and what army?”
“Me and my big mouth.”
“This is it, Alex. Use the Dragon Bolt.”
“I’m not sure running away would be a good idea right now.”
“Guh! That was just a joke, Alex. At any rate, now’s as good a time as anyone to just try out new spells. Go hog wild.”
*sigh* “I really need to reorganize my spell list. I have no idea what spell does what, other than that they most likely set things on fire.”
“Don’t do that NOW. Just cast that spell before you’re assaulted by these suddenly mysteriously babyfaced Vile Tribe members.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Holy… that was certainly NOT a ‘running away’ type of a spell.”
“Awesomesauce. Alex, we just HAVE to go to the other dragon caves and get the other dragon spells.”
“And now you are starting this crap too. It was enough when Luna did it, thank you very much.”
“HEY! I can still hear you, you know.”
“Yes, and it was EASY!”
“You wanna come get some too?”
“Ohoho, little kitty. You and I and your silly little dragonboy all know that if I really were to fight you now, you would end up dead. Instead I’m going to make like any good villain and leave this place now. I’m sure we’ll see each other again… some time.”
“Hoo boy, Luna’s losing it and Xenobia’s cackling like a madman. This is not good.”
“Thank you, captain obvious. Anything else you’d like to share?”
“STOP QUARRELING, YOU IDIOTS, AND HELP M*..”
“That’s what I get for asking, I guess.”
“And now Luna’s gone.”
“Stop that.”
“We should check the village. Maybe there’s still people there.”
“Um… mom, are you ok? Not that it’s suspicious that you and dad are the only ones left or anything, but if it’s all the same to you, I’ve had enough creepy villain vibes today, so please stop acting like ones.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, dear. Why don’t you talk to your father. I just bet he knows how to bring your spirits up mouHAHAHAHAHA!”
“…I want to go now.”
“Et tu, father. I bet you’re not my father at all, are you?”
“Correctamundo, my good boy. Here, let me show you.”
“Not again. I’ve had all the babyfaced villains I can take for one freaking day. Please die now!”
“Um… Alex, the look in your eyes are starting to creep me out. You’re not going to turn villainous too, by any chance?”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’m just going to MURDER these two, and then we are going STRAIGHT to Saith and get on that damn ship, and THEN we are going to Meribia and Vane, so that we can get to the bottom of this, and I suspect there will be lots of swords getting rammed down throats before all this is through.”
“I was afraid you’d say something like that. Oh well, it only means we’ll be seeing Nash and Mia again, plus that crazy girl, Jessica.
“Hey, maybe they’d want to come on our journey. That’d actually be quite nice.”
“I don’t know, Alex. Why’d they ant to do something like that?”
“You have to stop saying that.”
Oh no, what shocking events. The White Dragon killed by Ghaleon, one of the original four heroes. Luna kidnapped by the same person who sought to overthrow Vane through deceit and tyranny. Once again, the path is set, and the journey will be long and hard. Who knows what problem our heroes will face before prevailing in the end?
“You’re afraid of… the gallows. The Vile Tribe are about to cover all of Lunar in a second darkness, and you’re afraid your neck might become a little longer than it needs to? Right now, there are monsters out there who takes women and children and throws them in the mines to work themselves to death, and you are worrying about… the gallows.”
“Arrh, but bein’ hanged kind of makes you dead, you know.”
“For ONCE I’m willingly going on his damn boat, and THAT is the time he refuses to leave. If there is a god of irony out there, then he must surely be fond of making me bury my face in my palm.”