Chapter 21: Baby got back.
“Sweet! More Dragon Armor pieces.”
“Which we could have had if you were only willing to check through a couple of rooms when we were here the first time.”
“Yeah, but we were lucky enough to get out of that place alive in the first place. Sure, the enemies in here are pushovers NOW, but they would have eaten us alive back then.”
“Yeah, but just think…”
“Ruby, give it a rest.”
“It’s the moment of truth.”
“Yeah, ’cause the Star Dragon’s gonna check if you’ve got both your jewels, hurhur.”
“Oh, I got ’em where it counts, baby.”
“Coulda fooled me.”
“I wonder what’s so different about the Star Dragon tower compared to the Blue Spire. Wouldn’t I technically be able to use the Blue Spire for the same thing?”
“Are you asking me?”
“Nope, not at all. Juuust throwing some metaphorical questions around here.”
“Well, save those for later. For now, let’s get your metaphorical ass over to the Star Spire.”
“Uh oh. I’m not sure I like where this is going.”
“DUDE! EW!”
“That was more information than I would ever have wanted.”
“He tried getting me into one of those once.”
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Sure you don’t want to bring along one of those calendars for Lucia?”
“YES! STOP ASKING!”
“Well, we seem to be here.”
“That doesn’t look much like a spire, does it?”
“Looks more like a gigantic tea set to me.”
“Picky, picky. Stop jabbering and get moving before we’re attacked.”
“Oh just great. Another complete timewaster of a fight.”
“And you used to need two hits to take these guys out?”
“Yeah. I mean… I could probably just take one of them and use it to beat the others to death with.”
“I was level 1, OK?”
“Well, here we are. My God, those guys look positively sick.”
“Yeah, totally. Eat your veggies, dudes.”
“Oh, I guess I could come up with a reason or two for why Baywatch is popular, and neither of them involve the words ‘David’ and ‘Hasselhoff’.”
“Speak for yourself, Ruby.”
“Eugh! Leo, for all our sakes, please stop talking.”
“OK, here’s the head.”
“Right you are. Well, you know what to do with your jewels, right?”
“I sure do, hurhur.”
“Why are you putting them into your pan-.. oh God, never mind.”
“Hiro, we got no time to be fooling around. Grab those jewels and put them where they need to be.”
“Wh-why are you doing this to me?” *sob*
“You put the right eye in, you put the left eye in. You put the right foot in and you shake it all about.”
“Open sesame.”
“What do you mean ‘team’? I was the only one grabbing the jewels.”
“……”
“OK, Hiro, enough is enough. Overused joke is overused.”
“His attitude is kind of like Ghaleons. It’s kind of… creepy.”
“Well, at least he doesn’t have a cellar filled with fairies.”
“True… True…”
“WASSSSUUUUUUP?!”
“……”
“What the hell made you bring THAT up now? And after all we’ve been through.”
“Well, um…. OK, fine. Forget I asked.”
“The next time I wonder aloud what kind of enemies we’ll be facing in here, please give me a cranium-smoldering noogie.”
“Can do. Or at least I can do that ‘cranium smoldering’ part.”
“Yeesh, what’s up with these stupid sideways that go nowhere?”
“What with the frequency of enemy encounters in this place, I’d say they’re there to annoy the piss out of you.”
“Well, they’re succeeding, even if we’re not.”
“Ha ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha ha ha!”
“Um… guys?”
“You combo breaker.”
“Ronfar! What was his power level.”
“They’re over NINE THOUS-.”
“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! STOP THAT STUPID LINE BEFORE I KILL YOU ALL RIGHT HERE!”
“Yeesh, Ruby. Calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! Anyway…”
“Um, it’s the Star Dragon, of course. Who do you think it would be?”
“STOP TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN, DAMMIT!”
“Um… he’d do that if you actually, y’know, calmed down.”
“RRAAAARGH!”
“Er… OK, you got me stumped.”
“H-hey! You’re giving up just like that?”
“Oh, OK. How about…”
“D’oh! That’s an argument AGAINST letting you go there.”
“Whoops. OK, let me try again.”
“That’s better.”
“Thanks.”
“…or do I have to answer three questions, ‘ere the other side I’ll see? Any questions about Swallows, even?”
“…..”
“…or we could do that.”
“SUPER ATTAAAACK!”
“Oh lordy, not that guy again. And why the hell am I fighting alone?”
“Well, didn’t we kind of already figure out that he’s the Star Dragon? And hey, you’re the one going into the thing, so it’s only fair that you’re the one who has to fight for the privilege.”
“My, you’re such good friends.”
“May I present to you… the exit.”
“Not taking it. Sorry.”
“In that case, prepare to feel my powers once again.”
“Oh, pfft. You’re just spamming your powermove there.”
“Any time you feel like taking this seriously, now.”
“Oh, alright. HAVE AT YOU!”
“Oh pfft. You call that an attack?”
“So, you’re gonna be like that, huh? Well, in that case, have a few more of them.”
“It’s a fair cop.”
“W-what? That’s it? Tell me how and why the Blue Star isn’t swamped with immigrants already.”
“Because they didn’t have the dragon eyes?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Gah! I thought I was done with the travelling now. I want a vacation.”
“Oh, stop whining and get in there.”
“Um… I kind of expected the way to be longer than THIS.”
“He didn’t mean to this point, you dope. He meant FROM here. Who knows what’s on the Blue Star.”
“Lots and lots of ice and snow?”
“Well… yeah, but ASIDE from that.”
“Sure is. And make it snappy. I haven’t got all day.”
“Sure thing, mr. Sensitive.”
“…so I hope you realize what you’re leaving in our hands as you go off lazing about on the Blue Star.”
“I do appreciate it, buddy. I really do.”
“Not enough to take along one of my calendars, of course.”
“Leo… give it a rest!”
“Even if it’ll have to be done through massive bloodshed.”
“Oh, I saw what you did there.”
“I was only kidding.”
“Even so, you are the last person whom I would expect such a massively politically incorrect joke from.”
“Well, pardon me for being all PC.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got the driving license for this thing.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. I got it in the mail.”
“Oh. Um… well, nice knowing ya.”
“Lucia: Crystal backseat driver.”
“Ruby: Sarcasm that comes in small shapes.”
“Lemina: Silver magnet.”
“Jean: Ghaleon’s favorite Dancing Queen.”
“Ronfar: Rollin’ his dice with the times.”
“Um… thanks, I guess. I bet you would just love to take me and Lucia and stuff us into your piggy bank.”
“Every hour of every day.”
“Oh, I’m sure Lucia won’t mind you ‘joining in’, so to speak. Wink, wink.”
“Hee hee, I guess I got that coming.”
“Of course, if I made a joke like that, you would brutally beat me up. Where’s the fairness in that?”
“Well, Hiro’s not a dirty old man.”
“No, he’s a dirty YOUNG man.”
“And that makes all the difference.”
“Oh, double standards, where art thou?”
“Um.. no, he can’t. Hiro couldn’t dance himself out of a wet paper bag. Trust me on this.”
“Ruuubyyyy.”
“Cry like a little girl?”
“You… you jerk.”
“Well, aside from Scarecrow, but that’s kind of a given.”
“OK, let’s see now. What button do I push? Oh, I’ll try that one.”
“YOU HAVE ACTIVATED THE SELF-DESTRUCT MODE! TOWER WILL BLOW UP IN 30 SECONDS, STARTING NOW! 30….. 29…..”
“AAAAAAH!”
“Cut the red wire. THE RED WIRE!”
“Um… um… OK, how about this button.”
“We’re all going to die.”
Some time later, on the Blue Star…
In the vast recesses of the planet, the cold winds still blow. The strange tower still… um, towers over the ground, marking the lone resting space of Lucia.
Inside the crystal, she rests. Does she dream, I wonder, about the things that have happened on Lunar? Does she still remember the people she met there?
Does she feel the agony of the love she left behind, or is her consciousness also put to rest? And so, I wonder, does she hear the knocking.
“Ugh, what a horrible dream. I dreamt I was down on Lunar together with a group of dorky people, and we had to fight this exceptionally gay-looking villain. Wait, what’s that?”
“W-what the…”
“Um… hi, Lucia. I hope you don’t mind me dropping in like this.”
“And I mean that literally. It’s… kind of hard to hold on here.”
“Hi… ro?”
“Um… Lucia, do you think you could help me out here before I fall to a horrible death? I know I can probably fall pretty far without breaking anything, but I can’t even see the bottom of this one.”
“Lucia?”
“…..”
“Lucia, I’d really appreciate it if you came to your senses now.”
“Hee hee hee hee.”
“Oh God, she’s slipping. And so am I. LUCIAAAA!”
“HIRO!”
“*whew* I’m relieved, even if me being upside down will make this glomp seem really wrong and all. I guess I should be happy that there’s nobody around here who might see us.”
And so, despite nearly blowing everyone up in the process, Hiro got himself safely to the Blue Star and met up with his butt naked first love. And what’s this? Blue skies?
“Man, the weather is great. Are you sure you don’t want to conjure yourself up some clothes? I mean… not that I don’t mind seeing you naked or anything, but…”
“No, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just… just seeing your feet on the freezing cold crystal pavement hurts by itself.”
“Oh, Hiro, you’re such a…. wimp.”
“Anyway, Lucia, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I sure am, Hiro. In fact, I’ve been wanting to do this with you ever since I returned here.”
“Let’s do it, Lucia. Let’s….”
“…stare at Lunar for hours on end.”
“Of course, Lucia. Of course. But after that, I definitely want to be ‘joined at the hip’ with you.”
“Um… ‘joined at the hip’?”
“Yeah, it’s one of Leo’s weird expressions.”
“Oh.”
And so, here we are at last. Here at the end of things, and the last place you’ll hear me starting a sentence with “and so”, we leave Hiro and Lucia behind to their own privacy. I thank you all for sticking with me so far, and hope you’ve enjoyed my tale as much as I’ve enjoyed playing and writing it. Hopefully, I will see you all in another game sometimes.
“Please play our game.”