Chapter 13: We’ll always have the bonus loot.
“Well, I guess coming back here was a waste of time. At least when we could put it to better use.”
“Like releasing my dragon powers?”
“No, like hunting for sidequests and treasures.”
“Well, here we are. And hmmm, this is more than just a lion’s head. It’s a lion’s entire front body.”
“I guess someone punched it so hard in the nose that it wedged itself stuck inside the mountain.”
“Or maybe it bought some Charred Newt in Nota, and this was the only way to prevent the atomic diarrhea from flooding the valley and the mines.”
“Well, so far, so good. I wonder what kind of monsters we’ll be facing in this place.”
“Hokay, now these guys look familiar. Lemina, did you guys raid this place for your little magic test monsters?”
“Hey, why are you asking me? I had nothing to do with that thing. Besides, since the stairs pretty much lead you into the city unhindered, why would anyone care about the secret cave?”
“Well, true. There’s always the chance of someone dropping by to charge their dorky guards with keeping the inhabitants of the very cities they’re visiting from entering their own homes, though, but I guess we just took care of that little problem.”
“And with no small amount of pleasure at that.”
“From one weird place to the next. Watch your steps, everyone. Falling off the edge here is going to result in a bad mark in my report card…. followed by death.”
“Hey, who died and made you dragonmaster?”
“I can’t be a dragonmaster because I don’t have green eyes.
“Erm… what?”
“Seriously. That’s one of the few things you have to select ‘yes’ in the great Dragonmaster test, right underneath ‘do you like swords’.”
“Oh come on! Lemina?”
“It’s common knowledge, Jean. Furthermore, undertaking the dragon’s test and gaining their trust also nets you dragon equipment and dragon magic. Since Hiro has neither, he’s not a Dragonmaster.”
“But Ghaleon had yellow-ish eyes, didn’t he?”
“Well, Ghaleon was also the ‘dragonmaster’ for the fake althena too, wasn’t he?”
“And it’s not like he gained the dragonpowers the conventional way either. He basically Gamesharked them all to himself somehow, before he handed them out to the four heroes.”
“And now I have forgotten why I was angry and frustrated in the first place.”
“Ah, what a great view. Hey, wanna take a shortcut down?”
“Whoa, just a sec, Hiro. I haven’t gained my dragonpowers yet, so I can’t help you out if your common sense decides to take a leave of absence.”
“I was kidding, Ruby. Besides, we haven’t even grabbed this place’s top prize yet.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Let’s go check what it is.”
“Hey! I don’t want no goddamn snakes on my goddamn rings!”
“Oh, stop complaining and put on that ring, you moron.”
“Snakes…. why did it have to be snakes?”
“Wasn’t that fun, boys and girls?”
“And look… to our right, we can see Neo-Vane resting gently against the mountainside, unable to move in the air anymore, seeing as we kind of humiliated Borgan and stole his already stolen powers.”
“I never get tired of hearing that. Go on, say it one more time.”
“Oh, alright. Ladies and gentlemen, if you look to your right….”
“Hmm. Another light passage that just went through a cave for no reason. You’d think that if they had the skills and powers to just dig through the mountains like that, that they’d just go for the straight route instead.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, let me welcome you to Raculi; some random village in the middle of nowhere.”
“How quaint. Oh, you may want to slow down a bit, or we’re pretty much going to run the place over.”
“Wow, there’s even more living space in the Destiny.”
“This ole town with these good, ole people.”
“Wanna trade?”
“Oh, come on, Hiro. Living in that other middle of nowhere was hardly boring.”
“Yeah, but we’ve pretty much exhausted the few ruins and spires there are. I’m sure there’s lot of new ground to cover here, though.”
“Except that we’re, oh…. in a quest of LIFE AND DEATH here?”
“Yikes. Scary Lucia is scary.”
” ‘An’ didja know I had a useless li’l runt named Ronfar as a grandson? Last I heard, he went off to some huge gamblin’ city to become a hustler’.”
“Hee hee.”
“Er… is it just me, or does ‘Some guy named Zophar’ sound like the title of a really bad film?”
“Yeah, it’s the kind of movie that will have a surprise twist at the ending… that everyone could see coming a mile away.”
“Well, that’s one way of saying it.”
“Saying what? ‘Hi. I’ve lost all control of most of my senses, and in a minute, I will poop my pants for no reason’?”
“Something like that. But mostly, I just think he should mind his language.”
“Oh really? Did you get it in English from someone, or did you get it in ‘completely insane gibberish’ from that guy standing just a few feet away?”
“No kidding. That guy’s rant was one consonant away from obscenity that would have resulted in a punch to the head.”
“Well, either it’s the growling and snarling, or it’s the continuous prayers for Zophar to ‘come eradicate this world and build a new one on all our corpses’. But maybe that’s just me.”
“Or maybe Mauri wants to start up a death metal band.”
“Oh, look, it’s our old buddy Leo.”
“Which kind of epidemic are we talking about? The one that requires medicine that turn you into cackling villains?”
“And turns grown men to a life of gambling in seedy towns.”
“And small brats to tactless little punks.”
“Ouch.”
“Well, it wasn’t that many people. This town is still rather lively.”
“And boring.”
“Yes, and boring.”
“Yes, he gave her the potion that… wait, what?”
“Well, uh… she would have died otherwise.”
“Now there’s a dilemma for the ages.”
“Well…. see we saved Mauri by having her drink something, right? And as much as you may hate yourself now, it’s what I didn’t tell you that’s going to kick you straight in the nuts….”
“Oh wow, that was beyond cruel.”
“Yeah. I don’t think he’ll complain about me kicking him in the face anymore.”
“Exactly. In fact, why don’t you start kicking me now. And don’t stop until I’ve forgotten these last couple of minutes. Jesus, why?!”
“Well, enough dilly-dallying. Let’s just continue.”
“Oh goody. We’re going to get the aura from Mauri and free my powers.”
“Nnnno, not quite. There’s still the Dragon’s nest.”
“What?!”
“Treasure, you know. Loot. Chests. Free stuff. What’s so hard about that concept?”
“Nothing, except why do that NOW? Couldn’t we just go back there once I’m… you know, AN ADULT?”
“Bah, you kids today. Always so impatient.”
“Hiro, by these standards, you are a kid yourself.”
“Pishposh.”
“And here we are. The Dragon’s Nest. Just THINK of all the sweet stuff we might find in here.”
“*mutter* I’d much rather find my powers.”
“Oh, Mauri… why must you torment me so.”
“Um… Ronfar, it would be great if we could depend on you while we’re down here.”
“Well, boo hoo. No dependables for you until we’ve saved Mauri.”
“Well, this isn’t TOO crazy. They’re kind of like the ones we met on Bandit Butte.”
“Except somewhat tougher.”
“OK, what the….”
“Is that you, Hiro? And wow, two Jean’s. Say, Brain… are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I’m thinking someone needs a swift kick to the ass. And once that’s done, we can deal with these fakes.”
“I’m rather disappointed that they didn’t copy me, though. The Premier of the Magic Guild isn’t good enough for these…. creatures?”
“Lemina, you really, REALLY need to sort out your priorities. And while you’re at it, how about not jinxing us?”
“Apparently, X ain’t marking this spot.”
“Well, pick a way and continue, you asshole. I’d like to get out of this place today.”
“Ohoho, looks like someone is cranky because she’s not an adult yet.”
“Oh, rest assured; when I’m an adult, I can be just as cranky.”
“Holy crap. Just look at that.”
“This trip is looking up already. Let’s hurry down.”
“Getting close now, I can feel it.”
“Well, we SHOULD. That place wasn’t THAT far down. We could just have saved us the trouble of walking the long way by simply shimmying down there.
“You know… you’re right. Imagine that.”
“AAAARGH!”
“Well, let’s see what this chest has.”
“A ring. With revive magic. I was expecting more than this, what with how stupidly hard it was getting down here.”
“My adulthood… put on hold for this.”
That was a fun diversion, wasn’t it? And while some things had to be put on hold for the greater good, our group of rag-tags still came out of the ordeal a lot richer compared to when they entered. And that’s what counts, isn’t it?
“So, how much of the gold did we get from the nest?”
“Um… I just grabbed the ring? Ronfar?”
“Hey, don’t look at me? I didn’t want to go there in the first place. Jean?”
“Nope. Lemina?”
“Hey, do you expect the Premier of Vane to lug around heavy gold all the time? Try Lucia.”
“No, why would I do that? I have no need for gold, and if we don’t hurry, neither will anyone else. Ever.”
“So let me get this straight… we walked down into the nest, picked up a stupid ring and then walked all the way back up without anything else?”
“Well, on the way back up, I picked up this T-shirt with ‘My friends went to Dragon’s Nest, and all I got was this stupid T-shirt’. We’re going to give it to Mauri once we save her. Neat, huh?”
“Hiro, I seriously hope we manage to save Mauri, because I really want that Dragon Seal so I can unlock my powers. Once I have them, I’m going to BURN YOU ALL TO CINDERS!”
“Yeesh, Ruby. Take a chill pill already.”