Chapter 10: Nall gains a few pounds and a couple ‘o appendages.
“Yeah, you did. They really got us out of a tight spot.”
“Oh, you’ve gotten THAT far with Lucia already, you sly dog?”
“Oh yeah. She was chained up against the wall and all.”
“Ruuubyyy!”
“Whoa, Hiro! I never thought you were that much of a pervert. I am impressed.”
“Wait. It’s not what it sounds like! I just… dammit, Ruby! Why did you have to go and say a thing like that?”
“Hee hee.”
“Guys, guys. We’re in the middle of a big crisis here. Can we please stay on topic for once on this journey?”
“Right. Sorry, sorry. Go ahead, Lucia.”
“And now I shall wait a second for people to catch up.”
“*cough* I guess having played the first game might have helped *cough*”
“There you go breaking the fourth wall again, Ronfar.”
“Well, there’ll be no guarantee that no-one would NOT name their child Nall anyway.”
“You’re so negative, Jean.”
“What are you talking about, Ruby?”
“It’s a triple triad of no’s and no-one’s.”
“Anyway, since you ARE the White dragon, why haven’t you done anything here? I mean… it’s good that you’re taking care of the CHIIILDRUUUN and all, but…”
“In fact, let me show you through this flashback….”
“GHALEON!”
“And just look at this color sceme. You’re just like everyone else, relying on this drab, brownish color for your flashback surroundings, even though we are both colored normally. You have no sense of style. Nor do you make any sense.”
“What do you want?”
“I want your soft innards. Actually, I’m kidding. I just want your powers, which apparently can be taken out of you. Convenient, huh?”
“And… well, I’ll spare you the scene where I was humiliated almost as badly as Hiro was in Pentagulia.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Oh, like you were ever a fountain of joy and laughter up until this point.”
“At least SOME of us are trying.”
“What do you mean by ‘my power’?”
“Oh, silly me. And here I thought you were serious when you flapped around claiming to be a red dragon. I guess we were both wrong, then.”
“I don’t know about you, Chief, but I’m certainly enjoying watching Ruby get a piece of her own medicine.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Ronfar, but do you want a piece of my medicine too?”
“Yeah, well… this is entertaining and all, but don’t we have stuff to do?”
“Aaaand here’s the time to restart underestimating them. Or maybe ‘overestimating’ would be a better way of describing this.”
“Sometimes, I get the feeling you know more than you’re letting on.”
*cough*
“Especially if we succeed.”
“Erm… come again?”
“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.”
“Gee, wonderful. I wonder how easy that’ll be.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine if we all gang up on him. And then I swoop in for the kill.”
“Like you usually do, kill-stealer.”
“I’d PK you if you didn’t have such a worthless drop.”
“At least I got something besides the hair on my chinny chin chin.”
“OK, thank you, random unseen kids.”
“Well, that was fast.”
“And convenient.”
“Well, hey, let’s go whup his ass, steal his boat and start a new life as sea pirates.”
“Ew, no!”
“Not planning on being much help, then, I take it?”
“Nah! You guys are the ones who need to level up and become stronger.”
“Besides, Ruby, you’re hardly one to talk.”
“No, I’m usually one to blow fire on witless morons.”
“For around three points of damage.”
“You kids knew all along? Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Yeah. I didn’t think we really needed to. I mean… the fact that we called ourselves ‘Dragon Kids’ didn’t tip you off?”
“Well, um… no.”
“OK, now I’m DEFINITELY getting worried about our continued survival.”
“She’s definitely a ‘dragon kid’, alright. Snotty little punk.”
“Yeah, if she isn’t careful, she might end up becoming some drunken gambling priest-reject in a podunk town somewhere. That would really suck.”
“Yep, that’s definitely Leo’s little bathtub, alright. I wonder what he wants.”
“HIRO! You must fight me and blah blah blah blah blah blah-di-blah blah blah honor blah blah blah blah bhal destiny blah blah…”
“Um… Leo.”
“Hush, don’t interrupt me while I’m talking blah blah yadda yadda blah blah fight for what’s right blah blah blahrgh blah….”
“Yeah, OK, this is apparently going to take a while. So… did anyone bring a deck of cards?”
*shrug*
“Blah blah blah blah blah blah etc etc etc.”
“Anyway, PREPARE YOURSELF!”
“Whoa, OK, you’re done? Well, I better start spamming Poe Sword, or this’ll take a while.”
“Agh! You have vanquished me.”
“W-wait! That was ONE attack. Leo, you can’t be serious. Did Don King send you or something? Come on!”
“No, it was a fair cop.”
“A copout, more like.”
“Well, that had all the personal satisfaction of earning a really stupid achievement point. Are you sure you didn’t just throw the fight to get out of all this?”
“Hush now, Hiro. You think too much.”
“The one of legend my ass. Come back here and fight like a man, you wuss.”
“Aaargh! Are you even listening, or do you just like to hear yourself talk?”
“Well, farewell, my friends. Be well.”
“I guess it was the latter. Oh well, at least we got ourselves a sweet ship… that originally needs a crew, but hey…”
“Incidentally, Jean, do you want us to stop by a clothing store before we head off?”
“No, why do you ask?”
“Well, I thought since we…”
“Is this perhaps some kind of female stereotype? ‘Oh look, I am a woman, and I must shop.’ ”
“No, that’s not what I mean-..”
” ‘Oh, my lawd, I do not have ANYTHING to wear. I must remedy that with spending lots of silver on more things I won’t have to wear in the future. But first I must marry into riches so that I can sustain this spendthrift lifestyle’.”
“Jesus, OK! Enough, already. I’m sorry I asked. And you’ll be sorry you didn’t listen in a few hours.”
“Well, here we are. I hope you all have your WARM CLOTHING on?”
“Hiro? If I ever question you and blaming you for trying to be sexist again, please feel free to tell me to shut the hell up.”
“Duly noted. Well, I’m sure that won’t be a problem once this quest is done, though.”
“Oh, how cute OH GOD IT’S JUST A GIANT MASS OF JAWS AND TEETH AND HORROR AND SALIVA SWEET JESUS I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!”
“Wow, that is quite deceptive, yeah.”
“And furthermore, its breath is just horrible. Ew!”
“Yeah, sure. I guess you wouldn’t want to make it easy to find or anything, what with us doing this to help you and all.”
“I wonder what kind of enemies we’ll be fighting here?”
“Y’know, normally, I would be more worried about those floaty orbs and what they’d do, but…”
“NooooOOoo. Not the puppies.”
“…the hell?!”
“This is… very weird.”
“Weird enough to distract me from the biting cold, even.”
“Um… Nall, is there any reason why you have weird dogs with umbrellas in your lair?”
“Hey, I didn’t ask them to move in. Besides, this is an enemy lair, for pete’s sake. What did you expect?”
“Certainly not something like this.”
“OK, so white chest = ice treasure.”
“Well, duh! It wouldn’t take a dragonship scientist to figure THAT out. Or a wizard, for that matter.”
“I like how this place is made up like a maze, except with slippery floors and lethal falls instead of walls. I never thought I’d actually be grateful for my heels.”
“And that’s the remaining two. We are now ready to be pimpin’, dragon style.”
“I guess that means it’s boss time. Well, good, because I want to leave this place soon.”
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about. I like this place lots.”
“OK, something big is up ahead. I guess it’s time for battle.”
“Why that looks remotely like… um, something.”
“Oh, it’s a FIEND! Well, of course it had to be.”
“Yeah, I mean… scaly hide, leathery wings, breath weapon and large claws. I don’t see how we could figure it to be a dragon or anything.”
“Hey, that’s just insulting. Anyway, let’s just defeat this thing.”
“Indeed you are right. I guess I have to stop UNDERESTIMATING YOUR INTELLIGENCE or something.”
“Oh, har har. You’re a laugh and a half.”
“Well, now that we’re finally here, what do you want me to do with this thing?”
“Nice work. Now, prepare yourself for a REAL dragon.”
“What? We’re going for the next aura already? I thought we’d stick around and watch you before we left.”
“Oh, pfft.”
“Now that’s more like it. Feathery wings and thick fur. That’s what a dragon is all about.”
“We should nevertheless not waste any time. Are the other dragons as easily freed?”
“Well, anything that gets me out of this freezing hell is fine with me. And Hiro, I promise; next place we go to, I plan on living up to the female stereotype to the best of my ability.”
“Sure thing, Jean. I’ll send Ronfar along to help you carry your boxes.”
“As long as I get to see her change, I’m fine with that. And let’s not forget the lingerie shops either.”
“Don’t you ever change.”
“Ohoho, what’s this? A little side order of romance for our little journey?”
“Oh, as if I could ever love that rude jerk. I don’t see how you could see that ever happening.”
“But the two of you have so much in common. Who knows, maybe he does three points of damage in battle too.”
“You must really like getting your ass reamed by girls, Ronfar. Is that a masochistic streak I’m seeing there?”
“They’ve got me all figured out, Hiro. Whatever shall I do?”
“Well, I suppose you could always just continue to unintentionally amuse me.”
“Well, anyway, it’s off towards the next town. And you remember who we have to fight to get the blue dragon seal, right?”
And with that, we once again leave our friends as they travel for truth, justice and one hell of an asskicking session as we leave this icy hell. Will they succeed in grabbing the blue dragon aura and freeing the blue dragon. What will the blue dragon look like? But most importantly, will Jean find herself a smokin’ new outfit to wear? Stay with us.
“Flies buzzing around in an icy wasteland? That does NOT make any sense.”