Chapter 2: My baby went away, went away…
“*whew* Well, here we are.”
“And not a moment too soon. I never thought I’d be sick of seeing desert sands, but there you go.”
“Still sick here. In fact, I can feel something coming up my throat, full speed.”
“NO! WAIT!”
“Oh God, that’s just gross.”
“What the hell is that?”
“I think I need to do this ‘throwing up’ thing again.”
“Agh, no. NOT AGAIN!”
“And right onto my shirt too. One more time, and you’re carrying yourself to Larpa, Lucia.”
“Well, I’d take that instead of anything crawling in the desert any day, lady. Do you know there are beings out there that look like sex tools?”
“Crawling in my bar
These thugs, they will not leaaaveeee.”
“Hiro, not only do I feel worse than I did seconds before, but I suddenly got the urge to slap you on the back of your skull. For a second there, your evil surpassed that of Zophar.”
“What can I say? I got that magic touch.”
“Well, you just keep that ‘magic touch’ to yourself, mister.”
“…which just happens to be the guy we’re looking for. Imagine that.”
“Oh, I know that one. “Hey, little girl, is your daddy home. Did he go and leave you all alone…”
“That’s it. Your license to sing has been revoked. One more tone out of you, mister, and it’s capital punishment time.”
“Near death now….”
“Erm… let’s not.”
“How do you ‘play’ a house. Wouldn’t it be better to play as something that isn’t stationary?”
“Um… no, you’re missing the point. ‘Playing house’ means that you… uh, never mind.”
“I do not understand.”
“Lady, we could fill an entire book with things you do not understand. Let’s save it for later.”
“Hey, dude. We’re looking for the most handsome guy in this village. Know where I can find him?”
“H-hey, that’s rude. Don’t you know that when I roll my favorite pair, I’m the most handsome guy in town?”
“Ew.”
“OK, I don’t want to hear any more about your ‘favorite pair’, you pervert! You got some nerve to talk that way in front of a lady.”
“What’s a lady?”
“OK, there’s clueless and then there’s clueless, but that was just grand.”
“Hiro, are you sure you want to get involved with this lady? She doesn’t strike me as being the sharpest knife in the drawer, if you catch my drift.”
“Whoops, it’s collapsin’ time.”
“Whoo, score one for Ronfar. Good thing I don’t care how the ladies are fallin’ as long as they’re fallin’ for me.”
“And there he goes. That was just wrong on so many levels.”
“He durn goan and stoled me girl.”
“That didn’t feel completely right either.”
“Damn it, Leo. Always interrupting my dates.”
“Doesn’t he even care that we’re here?”
“Oh, hey, Ronfar. Not hiding any fugitives in your house, are you? Any destroyers of worlds just lying comatose in your bed? Anything that would cut this game damn short?”
“What? Of course not, old buddy. Why, would I lie to a friend?”
“Well… I guess you wouldn’t do that, not even for a nice piece of ass. Speaking of which, when was the last time you thought about Mauri?”
“Um… well, there’s a backstory coming up. I’ll think of her some then, OK?”
“OK, that’ll do fine. Well, I gotta go and find me a destroyer. That aimlessly fooling around isn’t going to fool itself, you know.”
“Yes, you do that.”
“Well, I lied to him for you, stranger, and certainly not for that really hot girl lying in my bed.”
“So, you did. That was good of you.”
“Indeed. It’s not every day I would lie to my friend, you know. Maybe once a week or so, but certainly not on a daily basis.”
“Yeah, but still… that was rather nice.”
“Lying to your buddies… that’s quite a generous thing to do, you know.”
“Yes, yes, we hear ya.”
“It kind of makes you feel a little dirty inside, lying to your friend…”
“OK, OK, we get it.”
“And, by the way, I lied to him for you, stranger. Lied, I did.”
“SHUT UP!”
“Anyway, let’s sneak out the back door and get your friend healed.”
“FINALLY we’re getting down to business.”
“Yes, well… anyway, I’ve just happened to have this secret pathway to the temple, even though I won this house just recently. Don’t ask how, though. We don’t take kindly to people who won’t look a gift horse in the mouth over here.”
“Whatever. Can we please go save my girl now?”
“Hey, I saw her first.”
“You did NOT!”
“What the hell?”
“You don’t like snails?”
“That’s… kind of beside the point. Besides, it’s not like we’ll be eating these.”
“That’s cool. More for me.”
“Dude, just…. ew!”
“I wouldn’t mind that rat, though.”
“Ruubyyyy!?”
“Hmmm… OK, you can have it.”
“You had to take it under consideration, even? -_-;; ”
“OK, here we are. And I’m sure that guy up there didn’t see us.”
“Yeah. He seemed preoccupied with something anyway, so I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“OK, everything is set to get this girl undressed.”
“What the… you wait just one sec.”
“Eh.. I’ve already seen her naked.”
“Hiro… you’re NOT HELPING!”
“Yeah, Hiro, you’re not helping. You could at least remove her hat or something.”
“You two are just… and inside a church too. You are definitely going to hell for this.”
“Oh no, it’s flashback time. I hate those. They’re always in this brownish color. And so vague too, this early in the game.”
“It worked! My clothing Xray spell is a huge success.”
“What? I wanna try too. Teach me the spell, Ronfar. Please, please, pretty please.”
“I thought you had already seen her naked?”
“I am surrounded by perverts and idiots. And Lucia waking up won’t change that anytime soon.”
“Mauri, please. It was just a one-time look. I didn’t even touch her, I swear.”
“I… don’t even want to know.”
“Let’s just go outside and wander the town until he wakes up.”
“Sounds like a good idea.”
“Then again, maybe not. And didn’t we see you up there yesterday too? You got one hell of a party bladder, sonny.”
“Now that’s just very un-NPCish behavior from you. What’s next? We aren’t allowed to go rifling through your drawers and steal your money and your items either?”
“Oh, there you are, Lucia. Feeling any better?”
“Yes, very much, although I met this man who seemed to have a worm in his pants much like the ones we met in the desert… except it was just a baby worm.”
“No, Lucia, that wasn’t…. hey, why are you rolling on the dock laughing, Ruby?”
” 😆 AhahahaohGodjustkillmenow…. 😆 ”
“Did I say something…. strange?”
:facepalm:
” *gasp* Ican’tbreatheouhahahaha…”
“Anyway… thank you, both of you, but I think I shall head off on my own randomly now that I’m all better.”
“Wait, what? Where are you going, Lucia?”
“To Pentagulia to meet with the Goddess, of course. It’s my duty. Red Ranger away… exit, stage left.”
“And there she goes. What was up with that?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
“The what?!”
“Oh God, did you just… was that an euphemism? That’s it, I’m going to wash out your mouth with soap, you pervert.”
“You think you’re gonna find soap here? Good luck with that, little kitty. Anyway, fine, where did the GIRL go off to?”
“She went off to Dalton to get captured by Leo… oh, damn!”
“That’s what I thought. Well, I guess I’ll be arbitrarily going with you on this journey. Besides, if I go with you to Pentagulia, I might run into Mauri again. She’s got curves like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Well, then. What are we waiting for? Say, Ruby… you coming or what?”
“Yeah, well… suddenly, a lifetime of gambling in this place doesn’t sound so bad after all. And since I’m a dragon, that’s one long lifetime.”
And so, our ragtag group of adventurers set out to rescue Lucia from the misguided and somewhat homoerotic claws of Leo, white knight. What will happen? Stay tuned.
“Your ass is mine now, girl?”
“What’s an ass?”
*facefaults*