Chapter 16: Have Free Spot in Party, Need Science.
“Well, the guy is still alive, so that’ll be an easy job.”
“Well, what can we expect from Miss Disappears Without A Trace? I mean… what are you hiding, lady?”
“A magnificent chest, if you ask me.”
“I wasn’t.”
“It’s true, though, so don’t be a hater.”
“Oh, shut up!”
“And their little puppy too.”
“More like puppies I’ll say. Rrrawr!”
“Ssssh. No spoilers now.”
“How are Iris’s boobies a spoiler? That was a tight top with a deep cleavage if I ever saw one.”
“That… wasn’t what I was getting at.”
“I’d get me some of that any day.”
“Are you done being an immature teenager now? Also, you have a girlfriend already, Guy. And far as I could tell from what little I saw of her, she’s even more stacked than our Miss Mysterious.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Erm… I think we have to at least explore this area.”
“Explore, you say? What do you think we are? Adventurers?”
“Um… guys, I don’t think we really need to kill someone’s lawn gnomes.”
“I disagree. Good taste always dictate that we need to deal with tastelessness the moment we see it.”
“It’s even the kind you fasten to the side of a tree. We need to find the people doing this and force them to watch Ferngully. Repeatedly.”
“We might get in trouble with the human rights department if we do that.”
“Anyway, there’s our town. Not too far off course, I’d say.”
“Yes, I tend to look at the people I’m talking to. Are you saying you do things different in this town?”
“Um… honey, I think he’s talking about the ship.”
“Why would I talk to a ship?”
“No, I… *sigh* …are you doing this on purpose?”
“I must admit it’s great to see you fill in the role of the dumbass for once.”
“Yes. So, he left selling the ship to the ship cook?”
“I think they’re supposed to look like sailors, but yeah, they really look like someone who belongs in a kitchen, don’t they?”
“Which is kind of hilarious coming from this somewhat sexist world of ours.”
“Urgh! Don’t remind me.”
“That’s being a little bit judgemental.”
“Well, what would you expect from a guy who hands out boat-selling tasks to Hell’s Kitchen? All we’re missing now is Gordon Ramsay shouting at us for being hesitant.”
“Bwah! So, we got a dungeon trudge waiting for us?”
“Pshyeah, as if anyone in this world would actually travel anywhere.”
“Granted, we have met people who travel from one town to another at times…”
“…bringing their kids who make sure that no travel between towns will be simple and convenient.”
“Ye-..wait, how do you know that?”
“Because both you and Tia told me about it. It’s actually kind of amusing how you two told the same story wildly differently.”
“This I gotta hear.”
“It wasn’t much. Mostly that Maxim thought the kid could use a good spanking, while Tia was all ‘OMG KIDS ARE INNOCENCE AND SWEETNESS’.”
“Well, I’m not sure if Miss ‘Girls’ Tears Are Special’ is in any position to judge.”
“Guh! Why did I have to say something like that?!”
“I… will wisely refrain to comment on that.”
“Well, whatever you’re bringing, it’s not your brainpower.”
“Is that right?”
“See? I told you he was untrustworthy.”
“I would call that crazy, but maybe that’s just me. Untrustworthy is when he stabs us in the back.”
“While I’m all for that attitude, there’s more options than ‘housewife’ and ‘sailor’, right?”
“Well, maybe if her jumping abilities are up to scratch… and her underlings are terrible enough… she can become a ship’s captain.”
“Are you saying I’m not worthy of my status as adventurer because I’m a woman?”
“Well… no, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that it would be a bit nicer to earn the status of adventuring hero when everyone else aren’t a bunch of useless bints. You know, the things I’ve mentioned before.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.”
“Um… so… do we choose the door or the stairway further down?”
“My vote’s on the door.”
“Yep. Door for me too.”
“Oh, fine. Be boring.”
“…..”
“I’m… not sure what to say.”
“Well… either the guy is a huge fan of doors.”
“Or he’s fighting against the tyranny of long hallways. Filled with monsters or anything that might make this trek interesting.”
“The guy is supposedly a genius, so this might be an experiment in itself.”
“Joy.”
“Yyyyeah, nice try, but I’m going to go into the other door.”
“It’s like this genius is trying to turn humanity into petulant children who have to be guided with reverse psychology.”
“Right you are. Both of you.”
“Well, this long string of rooms has done nothing but try to screw us over, so are you really surprised?”
“Though I think I can respect the decision to try to screw over people who go for the easiest and most obvious solution… most of the time anyway.”
“Is that why you never want to commit to your official girlfriend?”
“I… don’t think I want to answer that.”
“We walked.”
“Also, if you don’t want visitors, you might want to consider not telling people where you are.”
“It’s not that I mind visitors, but it’s not often people come asking for the favors of the fastest ship sinker on this side of the Missisippi.”
“Cant imagine why.”
“Aaaah, the unsinked one. I thought I’d try selling one this time around. Saves a bit of time between the crazy experiments.”
“Must be a man thing; build a huge engine and put it into something that couldn’t possibly contain it.”
“I’m… going to refrain to comment on the implications.”
“D’oh!”
“Can I?”
“NO!
“Phooey.”
“Um… aren’t you gong to ask me what I’m working on?”
“Oh! Right. Sorry.”
“Well, as long as you don’t start talking about pounding pistons…..”
“All that dirty talk makes me hunger for some Hostess Fruit Pies.”
“Pie, you say?”
*what about pie, you might ask…
*um… never mind.
“The thing… it rotates.”
“So hypnotic….”
“Well, that wasn’t my primary goal for the rotary engine, but one should never completely ignore potential secondary effects that can be exploited in the worst ways.”
“And in the next episode of ‘Out of Context’…..”
“All the showers in the world will never be enough.”
“Guuuyyyyys!”
“You aren’t ambigiously playing for the other team, wearing clothes that I wouldn’t be caught dead in.”
“You mean the people who walk around the piers looking like chefs?”
“…right, that’s how we roll in this crazy world. Forgot about that.”
“Well… yes, and it’s quite suspicious how you’d know that.”
“Not at all. I’ve been going to the school of detecting energy.”
“So, you built a machine that can read energy levels? I know of some Saiyajins that would like to talk to you about that.”
“Preferably in shouty, surprised voices.”
“Well, we’re warriors, sure, but I question the ‘disciplined’ part.”
“I dunno. Sounds like Guy’s getting disciplined just plenty by Jessy.”
“Oh har har. I’ll have you know my sister’s the disciplinarian in our little family.”
“Haw haw haw haw.”
“I’ve never been a big believer in the ‘the less you know’ principle, but now…”
“I’ve never been much on concentratin’, but…”
“I can believe that.”
“Well, you try concentrating on anything when you have a girlfriend and a sister jabbering in each of your ears constantly. Seriously, why do you think I took up adventuring in the first place?”
“I dunno… your sister seemed pretty reasonable to me. Well, aside from that stupid argument she and Tia got me involved in, but… yeah.”
“Meaning… what? Five times bigger than… the Sinistrals?”
“I hope so, because five times bigger readings than Idura… well, that wouldn’t amount to much, would it?”
“Eh, I doubt that. We murdered Idura so hard, he never had time to give off any readings.”
“His running away readings would be off the scales, though.”
“Yeesh, one reading, and they’re both addicted. It’s all going to be about power levels, isn’t it?”
“Well, I… kind of drove my fellow soldiers crazy with ‘IT’S OVER 9000!’ jokes, so I thought I’d get a more legitimate reason to continue it.”
“We don’t really have any basis on the ‘so and so many times’ thing, though.”
“Eh, I can deal with a little ambiguity when driving them crazy. In fact, that’s the best way to go about it.”
“True dat.”
“Aw, phooey. This obviously doesn’t have anything to do with physical strength.”
“Well, obviously. I mean… you can’t do magic at all.”
“Are you guys done waving your penises around? And let me add how odd saying this feels when one of the penis-wavers is my wife.”
“Oh really? Is there something you two haven’t told me yet?”
“No, I’m pretty sure we already told you that you’re an idiot.”
“So, the range is ‘five’, ‘eight’ and ‘off the scales’? You don’t do your scales shopping at Spinal Tap’s, do you?”
“Well, ‘off the scales’ sounds more impressive than ‘eleven’ regardless of what they say.”
“Uwe Boll might make you feel different about that.”
“Well, any term sounds less awesome if you overdo it.”
“Sarcastic now, are we?”
“Nonono.”
“In other words, just another day on the job.”
“Though we don’t often get the kind of challenges that the Sinistrals provide, though.”
“Then again, we already did defeat one of them, so… how hard can the others be?”
“Um… well, I know we have a free spot in our party roster, but… I dunno.”
“Swords and spells we already have covered. How about guns?”
“Sorry, but we haven’t invented something like that yet. Cannons, sure, but that’s not exactly the kind one can carry around.”
“Even with power levels as awesome as ours?”
“Haha, that doesn’t make any sense, does it? But yes, that’s how it is.”
“Bah! Just because we’re not serious enough.”
“And he’s sporting a pretty rockin’ ‘stache.”
“The symbol of dignified gentlemen everywhere.”
“You’re pretty old for a hero, aren’t you? I mean… what are you? Are you, like… in your late twenties or something?”
“Yep. Positively ancient, aren’t I?”
“Be happy. Your kind is usually limited to just being vaguely impressive in the opening act, and then having to step aside for the younger generation, often by way of dying.”
“I guess that didn’t include joining us from the get-go.”
“Feh! Old people these days. So lazy.”
“Come to think of it, weren’t we supposed to get help from someone to build a boat?”
“Blah! Well, thank the heavens for teleporting spells.”
“There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like any town we’ve visited before, so we can teleport back there again.”
“And it’s plot-hole foolproof too; you can basically visit any place you’ve already been because you know where it is, but not places you haven’t been to, because… well…”
“Yeah, tell that to the damn Sinistrals. Cheating bastards…”
“Don’t worry about the details. Or whether we need to go get another tree. That’s not important right now.”
“Uh… I’m not sure it works like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because…. well, how should I know?”
“Then you don’t get to tell me what works or not.”
*sigh* “If only the internet had been invented. You’d fit right in with the internet debating crowd.”
“Well, you’d have to see the engine to design the boat, right? Makes sense to me.”
“Oh, sure, THAT makes sense, but not the thing with the wood, right?”
“Yes! Yes, it does. Deal with it.”
Having to get another boat built, our heroes wonder what they’re going to do with yet another block of free time. Maybe some R&R would be in order? One would imagine Maxim and Selan would like some private time as well. Anything can happen when boat production is on the line.
“What the….”
“Are we buying flowers from junkies now?”
“And are we supposed to put it in a pot, or do we put it in a pipe and smoke it?”
“How can you be so cruel? It’s a girl and she’s obviously in trouble. We should drop everything and help her out immediately.”
“I’m not sure you calling her stuttering ‘a problem’ is a nice thing to do.”
“I totally didn’t mean that and you know it.”
“Oh, sure; I make one offhand joke, and I’m the rude one.”
“Oh, quiet, you.”
“Guys, she’s just about to keel over here.”