Chapter 7: The church of your heart and the heart of your nightmares.
Well, here I am as the floor of reality crumble around me. Is there any other signs now that can shatter my perception any quicker?
Well, gee, that was fast. It’s our old friend, the Michelin Man, only now he has PINK TOENAILS! I… have no words. This just… this just beats everything I have faced so far.
Let’s see, do I go up here, or do I walk onwards to the right where all the instadeath drops with the spikes are?
Never let it be said that I can’t make completely boneheaded decisions, even if they go well.
Oh man, am I ever caught between a rock and a hard place, while another Michelin Man is scoping me out. This is going to hurt regardless of which way I go about it.
And if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not hear the explanation of WHY you are in debt to me.
It’s not easy being a hero in underwear. Damn sponsorship arrangements. Next time I want to advertize armories or something like that.
I wonder if these guys are salty.
The skeletons now have… pink shirts. Aha ha.. ha… HA… hA… Ha… aHahA…. *cries*
And now there’s ninja.
…
PINK ninja.
…
And here I thought I could handle this.
*sigh* Stripped of my armor again. There’s only so much a heterosexual barbarian somebody can take, you know…
Well, at least I can always count on the Secret Strawberry to replenish some of that armor. It’s a strawberry that replenishes armor. Isn’t that just the most awesome thing? Oh, I kill myself. Soon.
Please accept my fireball mace to your face, you cheap bastard. I didn’t fight the pink wave for nothing.
Pink ninja to the right of me, and pink ninja to the left. Nowhere to go but up, I guess.
Argh! Naked again. I swear, all this running back and forth is just chafing my armor pieces and my dignity.
Yeah, you better be grateful enough to run a shop, you cheapass bastard. Oh, you are? That’s good.
Ah, nothing quite like a golden piece of armor to regain your dignity and make the near-constant ballbusting a little easier.
Well, I guess this is the last leap before the big fight. And, come to think of it, this stage didn’t have an “in” entrance to a bonus stage. That’s… well, good, I guess.
And in this place we face… another dragon-man, but with a golden armor. I’m the only one who is bling-certified here, dragon-man. This place ain’t got enough bling for the both of us, so I guess there’s only one way to settle this.
Yeah, thought so. I am stronger in the golden bling than you. Now contemplate this as you crumble away into nothingness.
VICTORY POSE… ow! I gotta stop doing that.