Chapter 4: Valley of Rock ‘n Roll.
Ok, so now I’m here at Bridge over Bubbling Water with no actual entrance point. It’s almost like…. magic.
Gah! Ok, I KNEW I should have worked out some more with my stairmaster.
Well, at least the groin-rubbing poles are getting smoother. My testicles are grateful. My unintentional sexual innuendo prohibitor, however, failed to initiate. Sorry about that.
Oh, Michelin Man, we meet again. The fact that you came out of a pot makes it all the more amazing.
Joy. Another bright orange chest, and NOT A SINGLE TRAP IN SIGHT! Yep. No big boulders hiding upstairs just waiting to smash unaware adventurers over the head.
Do you take door number one with the flaming demon, the coin and the hourglass?
Ok, now I’m being attacked by a weird sorcerer in a pink robe. Is it the Black Dragon Minion Pride Parade or something? I guess I was wrong to think that rubbing myself against this stone pole would fool these people.
And now for door number two, with the Michelin Man, the stoned old guy and the five Zenny coin.
…who wants me to “accept his gratitude”. If it’s alright with you, I’d rather not.
And yet another stoned old guy. When will this madness ever end?
Wow, now these are some guys I never expected to see again. Good to see jumping blockheads aren’t going out of fashion anytime soon.
Hmm, yeeees. Should I enter, you think? Can anything good come out of this?
Oh joy, the birds again. With all the dangers I could face, some minor annoyances is definitely up on top of that list. Some minor annoyances that nevertheless deplete my armor rates by kamikazing into me randomly. Kamikaze Krow to the… uh, not rescue, I guess.
And look, Minor Axe Minion, now in grey. I don’t suppose he’ll be any harder to kill, though.
Ugh! Why… why are all these identical old guys all around here? I don’t understand! What’s going on?
It’s the hour… OF MADNESS!
Well, at least this exit actually HAS an exit. I’d take anything that actually makes sense at this point.
More stairs. More flaming guys. It’ll never end, will it?
Oh god, I’m just glad the spider isn’t around. That would really ruin my day.
Thanks, but I’ve already gotten that advice. Care to give me a refund, old man?
Ok, hop off the ledge and land ramrod straight. That’s bound to not completely mess up my spine or anything. Man, I’m a hardass.
And now it’s a pink flower. Is it just me, or is everything slowly turning pink?
Oh god, what’s this? I’m fighting a floating ball? That’s just dandy.
Ok, so it turned into a small flying demon, but it’s trying to burn me with PINK FLAMES! What have I done to deserve this? I was just trying to become a regular hero, not to end up in this insane, homoerotic hell.
Oh god, and they just HAD to choose the victory pose where I accidentally bludgeoned myself in the back of my head, and only the fact that I was wearing a helmet saved me from the blunt, painful lobotomy I would have performed on myself.