Chapter 3: Scenery change at last.
Ok, now this IS new. And orange.
On fire you may be, but your color theme just fits in with the rest now. I’m so proud of you.
Yes, well… all in a day’s work for…. RANDOM BARBARIAN DUDE! Say, you wouldn’t happen to run a store by any chance?
You do? Sweet. Hmm, well it figures that I’m a few gold short for the next weapon upgrade, so I’ll just leave without buying anything.
Well, he didn’t need to be THAT cranky about it. Lowering his prices might have helped too, but nooo….
And yet more jagged rock pillars to test the durability of my susp. Good thing it’s made of steel.
Good grief. Michelin Men EVERYWHERE! Oh, look. A hidden item, and it’s… a barrel?
Which gave me more armor. But of course. And here’s our annual “in” doorway again. I guess I shouldn’t look a gift bonus coin in the mouth or something.
Hmph, not the most exciting bonus cave I’ve ever seen. The basic axe minion is purple now. Whether he’s actually tougher, though, that’s another thing altogether.
By golly, he did sure pay off in a big way, though. He’s like the wealthiest of highschool wimps or something.
“Cause this is Thrilleeeeer… Thriller niiiight, and no one’s gonna save you from the beast about strike…”
Which is me, in case you weren’t paying attention.
Awright, finally. This weapon looks mighty wicked!
W-whoa, careful now. I’ve only got these teensy blocks to move around with. Not that that’s really weird or anything.
And now I’m down to my underwear again. That’s just swell. Goodbye, steel groin protection.
Aw, man. Careful now. I forgot that I could just as easily accidentally castrate myself with this weapon. It’s freaking huge! What was I thinking?
Just great. Fighting the Michelin Man in my skivvies. That’s just what was missing in my life.
Oh, thank God. Now I can finally squash the opposition fully armed and armored again, not to mention jumping between small squarish pillar blocks without squashing my salty, chocolate balls.
Come to think of it — and maybe it’s just me — but… have I saved the same old guy in purple clothes over and over again? Or did someone just make a big, big family? It’s a wonder what genetics can do these days.
Well, gee… while a strawberry is no strange thing in itself, finding one in the wall like this? Yeah, it’s definitely a “Really Bizarre Hidden Bonus Items” moment.
Well, burning dipwad aside — I’m starting to wonder if the main villains in this place use their minions to heat up their place — I get the feeling I’m closing in on something big. Maybe it’s just me.
Then again, maybe not. Whoa, a dragon. Well, only one thing to do, I guess.
KICK! ITS! ASS! Yeah, baby. Do I make you randy?
And with that done, there’s only one thing I would like to know.
….
Does this pose make my butt look big?